Merry Christmas!!!!

It's that time of the year again... when we remember and celebrate the birth of Christ... a gift that God gave to Man. And in a similar spirit of giving and showing of our love and concern for our families, friends and loved ones... it's the mad season of shopping for the right present to give!!!

Hahaha... pardon me for starting off in such a serious tone. But really, the malls are packed, the roads leading to Orchard are jammed... for one reason only. Everyone's shopping for last minute presents to give to friends, colleagues and family members.

Over the years, I've noticed that there are some presents that I'd rather not receive:

• Decorative items - I appreciate the thought of giving... thank you very much. But I would much rather have something practical that I can use. I simply don't know what am I supposed to do with them! My cubicle at work is already cramped with ornaments that colleagues have given to me in the past and sad to say, all they do is sit there and collect dust.
  
  
• Soft toys - thank you once again for the thought... but I've gone beyond the age of being thrilled at receiving a soft toy. Until one fine day when I have my own children, perhaps.
  
  
• Diaries - at the moment, I already have two superior quality leather organisers / diaries on my table and they're going to sit there unused for the whole year unless I pass it on to someone else. Blank notebooks (like the A-Zone type) would be preferred as I like to scribble notes... but my Outlook Express' calendar and mobile phone is more than enough to help me keep track of appointments and dates.
  
  
• Body Shop products / other moisturisers & bath products - well... they can come in useful... only sometimes and rarely. Mainly because I already have certain brands in mind for the products that I would use. As for aroma products... sorry my sinus has been getting from bad to worse with age, so I would rather not try something that may trigger an allergic reaction.

Look, I'm not complaining. Just that I believe in thinking for the person when shopping for a gift. As a receipient, I would rather have something that I can put to use and I would WANT to put into use. Likewise, when I shop for gifts meant for others, I would rather choose something that he/she can use and preferably something that he/she would like. I admit that sometimes the choice is tough... especially when you've known the person for years and you've simply run out of ideas. So I hereby solemnly and sincerely apologise if I've given you something from the list of stuff above... or even for gifts that you have not found a use for... kekekeke

A Hard-Earned Praise Lifts the Day!

Everyone likes to hear praises about how good they look, how well they've done etc. And a good word here and there sure helps to erase any bad vibes that you may be feeling for that day. That being said, sometimes we do wonder about the truth behind those praises - is he saying this because he is just being diplomatic / a friend? Or does she have a catch up her sleeve?

But when a good word or compliments come from the most unlikely source... then maybe there's some truth in that. And it would mean one really looks good or have done a really good job. That's something to be accepted graciously and appreciated.

Reason for this rambling on praising people? Well, I received one such compliment from a most unusual source... someone that I know that has a habit of making snide, sarcastic remarks and finding faults. But at the moment when he said it, one could feel that he truly meant it this time, for whatever it was I did, it helped him gain favor in the right places. And it was no small task that I accomplished too, for there were lots of follow-ups and complications. Knowing what went behind the scenes to make that happen, and hearing this compliment from this unlikely source, definitely gave me an uplifting feeling that I have done something right and well. :)

It takes two hands to clap...

Often, when situations arise at work, it is the result of the interaction between 2 people. Like that cliched old saying, it takes two hands to clap. Person A may feel that the boss is being unreasonable but all that the boss ever wanted was the fulfillment of his higher expectations. And sometimes, such expectations are justified for in the current world of modern technology, Person A cannot function effectively to assist the boss if he/she does not even have the basic skills required.

Failure to meet his expectations will naturally result in the boss' disappointment in Person A and hopes that he/she will improve. But if Person A carries a negative attitude towards the boss and takes such feedback negatively, rather than as constructive criticism, it makes for an awkward working relationship. And when he/she starts spreading negative feelings around, it just generates lots of bad air in the working environment.

It is human nature to desire to hear good things about our performance... but if we are prepared to hear the good, we should be prepared to hear the bad and improve on it. Nobody's perfect... but it becomes an attitude problem when one defies for the sake of defying simply because he / she has heard some negative feedback about his / her performance...

sigh....

Please (take) leave...

There seems to be an over abundance of leave on my account.... I've checked up my records recently and realised that I've been taking leave so rarely that I have not touched my entire year's allotment of leave for this year. Total number of left over leave I'm entitled to shows 26 days... amazing. heh....

Trying to clear all before end Dec is out of the question, but I've been asked to take leave and clear as much as I can... sounds like a blessing to some out there I know. Heh....so been looking into the calendar and trying to find dates when I can take leave and do my own thing... heh...

Suddenly, having too much leave entitlement is not that great a thing... heh *siam... before some people decide to hammer me on the head for that*

Desperation...

Have you ever had this experience at work? Where you have a crashing deadline to meet and everything seem to be spiralling out of control, threatening to delay your delivery or threatening to fail? And the worst part of it is the fact that you have no control over these elements as you are dependent on a third party to revert to you on the information?

Desperation = stress = crazy black kittyn.

In need of rest...

Have you ever had the feeling that you just want to disappear and fade away? No... not in the suicidal or morbid sense. But just that you are so thoroughly exhausted in your mind and physically that you wish for once, you can just go away for a period of time, without a care in the world?

Life has its many demands and as one spends years working to make ends meet, the burden on our shoulders get heavier and heavier. The family needs your attention, your work requires it, sometimes even your personal life with friends and partners. And Man's resources are so limited. There's no way we can shoulder on all the cares the world lays on us without feeling depletion and exhaustion at some point.

And that is me at the moment. I'm feeling thoroughtly drained... physically and mentally. If I were a sponge, I would be one that is so dried up that I'm hard as a rock yet brittle at the single shake. After working for 8 years, with the exception of short weekend breaks to nearby countries, I haven't really rested. I think I've reached my breaking point... to an extent. A longer break of a couple of months seem like a luxury... but at this point, more like a neccessity to me. Not just some holiday somewhere with a partner. I'm actually looking forward to being a total hermit for that period, if I can. Basically, I need some time to rest... and to be entirely on my own so I can find myself again.

How I wish this was true... haha

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

I'm Sorry

Dark irises peeped
Through wrinkled lids
That inched open sluggishly.

Grieving tears surged,
pouring over the aged rims
to stream down sallow cheeks.

His calloused hand,
Weathered,
Through decades of giving
And loving,
grasped feebly for mine.

His hoarse whisper
Uttered,
Wrecking his ruined lungs
With each quaking breath:

“I’m sorry
That I can’t see
You graduate.”

The dam shattered,
Composure vanquished
By sorrowful regret,
Flooding, drowning
In youthful memory
Of a promise
Unfulfilled, thwarted
In death.

“I’m sorry
That I can’t
Bring you home.”


My late grandfather's lifelong wish was for a chance to go back to his hometown in China. When I was ten, I learned of his wish and made a promise that I would study hard, graduate and earn enough money to bring him home to visit. That promise went unfulfilled when he succumbed to lung cancer and passed away when I was still in uni....

Can I go back in time??

Grammar has reclaimed its glory in the school syllabus.... and that's great news. Even though I was lucky enough to get a somewhat basic education on the English language and grammatical rules, I have never quite understood some parts of it. Sometimes, it feels such a waste not being able to fully exercise the intricacies of the language when I'm writing.

I remember the ironic situation in secondary school when despite scoring top marks in school for my prelims in English, I signed up for a course on English at the RELC and was severely humbled by the teacher. I learned my lesson then and became more conscious of what I write... trying to improve my skills all the time. And these days, when I see the sort of abuse the language has been subjected to with the insurgence of sms language, it sets me in an irritable mood. Same thing happens when I come across bad usage, or rather, inability to use the Chinese language.

And the sad thing these days is that children hardly have any interest in reading. What happened to everyone's favourite hobby of reading? I thank my brother for bringing back my first storybook from the library when I was in primary one and that sparked my passion for books. I went through that phase of devouring Enid Blytons, Nancy Drews, Sweet Dreams and graduated to David Eddings, Raymond E Feist and Isaac Asimov by the time I was in Primary Six. That helped me to develop what I can do with my languages today, as I vaguely remember my primary school teacher's remarks in my report book... "need to improve her English." Today, I dread the thought of shifting homes as I look at my bookshelf.... five shelves, each are laid with three rows of books from inside to the brim of the shelf and two rows of books tall. And that's not counting the box of books the movers lost when I last shifted...

Still, there doesn't seem to be enough ammunition in my language prowess. Can I go back in time and learn it all over again...??

It's quite true... Sometimes I can be honest to the point of being tactless and I know that.... Luckily I've got pretty understanding friends... kekeke

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty highly. You're unflinchingly honest, even when it's not easy. For you, integrity is very important - in yourself and others. People may not always like what you say, but they know they can trust it. Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Immigrant Food....

Once I attended a course where the trainer asked what we had for dinner the previous night. After hearing the replies from the course attendees, she went on to ask why we are jamming our body's digestive system, especially with complex foods such as curry fish head, bak kut teh etc. Her main point of contention is not that the food are harmful to our bodies, but more she couldn't understand why modern Singaporeans who are enjoying relatively good incomes and comfortable lifestyles are still eating immigrant food...?

Basically food such as bak kut teh and curry fish head etc are unique to Singapore and Malaysia. The reason is that early immigrants to Southeast Asia are mostly poor dock workers who don't have money to buy fresh ingredients for a good meal. There's no such thing as a steak or a whole chicken for a good meal, unless a whole group of workers sacrifice their salaries for a whole month to buy and share one chicken. Ingredients such as pork bones and fish heads are cheap as the wealthy would prefer fleshier cuts. With these basic ingredients, workers salvage what spices and vegetables they can from the docks and mix it all up in a pot. That's where bak kut teh, curry fish head and kway chap comes from.

So the trainer is asking why are we now eating poor man's food when we can afford better. But she fails to understand that these are food unique to Singapore. No, I've not been paid by Singapore Tourism Board to market their Uniquely Singapore concept, but born and bred here, I feel a sense of connection with such food. It is iconic of the lifestyle my grandparents had in early Singapore / Malaysia and many others like them. And while Singapore is complaining about the lack of creativity, to think out of the box... but hey, aren't these exact examples of how early Singaporeans can be inventive and creative in developing new recipes, new ways to enjoy food? What's more, these dishes are getting well appreciated by the foreign community. I remember reading somewhere that a Singaporean businessman made his success in Shanghai selling just one of these... bak kut teh. And there are plenty of foreign tourists who came to Singapore and loved the unique taste of curry fish head and chilli crab.

So why shouldn't we eat these food and enjoy them? Especially if we can now afford fresh ingredients and good cooks to provide quality to such dishes? Enjoy away I would say, and feel proud that there is something... ok unique... about Singapore.

Ramblings of a style-less slob

Ooh... I love those clothes, shoes, accessories, bags... everything that Anne Hathaway was wearing in The Devil Wears Prada... and of course not to mention, that seemingly limitless supply of branded stuff available in The Closet. The show was most definitely a girls-night-out show... terribly fun for girlfriends to watch together and go ga-ga over the fantastic labels.

Meryl Streep was BRILLIANT!!!! She is undoubtedly the greatest actress alive. With minimalist subtlety, she has made the character Miranda Priestly entirely her own. Now I simply can't imagine another version of Miranda Priestly... and credit must go to Meryl Streep for making the movie so much more 3-dimensional and believable than the book. (After reading the book, I just felt sick and tired of a bitch whining and complaining non-stop about a 2-D caricature of a superbitch.)

One downside about watching the show though.... After coming out from the movie theatre, one look at my reflection in the ladies' washroom mirror made me feel I'm an entirely style-less, ugly slob!!! Good grieve... what am I wearing? It's so plain, so dull... and everything in my reflection tells me that I look like Andrea when she first reported for work at Runway! Horrors!!!

Heh... the feeling was temporary as I am still "recovering" from the "high" experienced watching that movie...as piggy has said. But at the same time, it made me so much more conscious of what I'm wearing and things like accessorizing my outfit. Was walking around in Tiong Bahru with piggy and panda yesterday and we just can't help noticing the different necklaces, bags and shoes on display at the shops. How I wish I can have access to the Closet where I can just pick out what I want.... *dreamy*

What the F*** was that for??!!

The breakup of a relationship is always distressing and an emotional torture for the one that is rejected. Especially when the breakup happens in a long-term relationship of more than ten years, the amount of emotional upset and torture one feels can almost make suicide seem tempting. Yet our lives are not given to us by God to take away... it's given to us to love... love ourselves and love others.

That said, feeling tempted to slash one's wrist after the breakup of a long-term relationship... that I can understand for the emotional turmoil is tremendous. But feeling tempted to kill yourself for a relationship of 3 months?? And for someone whom you know have had a history of changing heart???? HALLO!!! What the F*** was that for???!!!

Chilli please...??

One of Singapore's favourite past-time is eating. But the strange thing is Singaporeans also like to spoil the taste of their food with chilli. Must one add chilli to every dish that one eats? Then what happens to the original taste of the food? Ever wondered how a burger actually tastes without chilli? Or even more bizarre, a steak? I've encountered a couple of occasions where my friends actually asked for chilli sauce for a black pepper steak, and I wonder... after adding the chilli, can you still taste the freshness and sweetness of the steak? Can you taste the tender sinews and the natural juices of fresh beef??

My suggestion: Don't kill your taste buds... Even if you can't live without chilli for your meals, at least try the food in its original taste first before adding the chilli? At the very least, you can taste what the dish is like... and it won't be like you're eating chilli dipped in whatever dish you've ordered for your meals....

Tricky emails

Ever tried drafting an email and you end up striking the delete or backspace key more often than any other key on the keyboard? It's one of those emails that you know you need to send out, but no matter how you write it, you'll probably end up with a body full of bullet holes at the end of the day?

It's no pleasure but I think everyone has to go through something similar at any point in time. Just who was it who said "Do or Die"? It seems that "Do also die, don't do also die" seems more appropriate in times like these....

Just rambling...

where to next??

Just did a mental tally and realised that I've been working for 8 years plus since I graduated. And except tiny breaks where I've gone on mini-holidays to parts of Malaysia, Bangkok, and more recently HK (though it was a company-organised trip), I think I missed having a real, solid break. Thinking that maybe end of the year or some time in Jan-March may be a good time to take a longer break... probably one-week to two-weeks leave and go explore some place that I've been wanting to explore on my own... and of course, put the office phone divert off totally for a good rest.

Destinations I'm thinking of:
1) India - haven't toured the "touristy" places such as Jaipur, Mumbai etc...
2) China - About time to explore Shanghai... after hearing so much about it.
3) HK - again?? but this time spend more time sightseeing than shopping??
4) Australia - haven't visited since my last trip to Sydney 8 years ago..... hmm...

hmm... can't decide really....any suggestions?? If i really have the budget i would go Japan or Korea... but it looks like these two destinations are way over my budget... :P

Finally!!!!

Finally!!! The finish line is in sight. In fact, it is just a month away. At 2 pm today, I will get my supervisor's signature on the form and I would have officially handed in my dissertation for final examination. If all else goes smoothly, I think I should be able to obtain a pass with minor changes before I seal the 100-page tome in hardcover for archival in the NTU library.

Cannot imagine how I actually pulled through it... started on it a year and a half ago hunting for a suitable supervisor and started reading up stuff... then there were all those work commitments and overseas trips that disrupted my entire momentum and this year had been a whirlwind since January as I struggled to catch up and finish the report on time.

The end is near.... in fact, for my part, it's almost all over (excepting whatever minor changes that might come post-exam)... but the struggle is OVER!!!!

when is no.... no??

How many times does a person need to tell you "no", before you take "no" for an answer? Once, maybe it doesn't work cos we are taught never to take "no" for an answer. Second time, ok, that should tell you something about their reluctance. After asking a third time and receiving a "no", you can be pretty sure the person is quite firm. Ask another time and don't be surprised or offended if you get your head snapped off.

Demo Scenario:

A: hey, there's still one pork rib left. Don't waste leh... I can't cos I'm full already.

B: I'll take the leftover veg, cos I'm full already. Someone take the rib please.

C: No, thank you. D, you eat leh.

D: No thanks. I'm very full already.

A,B,& C: D, eat leh... Dun waste leh.

D: Since everyone is full, why don't we just leave it. I can't cos I'm full already.

A, B & C: It's such a waste... D, eat lah.

D: I'm really very full and I can't.

A, B & C: It's really nice so dun waste lah... D, eat leh.

D: PLEASE, I already said I'm very full and I can't and you guys are forcing me to eat it? Are you kidding??

Come on... if those people really think it's a waste, eat it themselves lah! Why try to force someone to eat something that they themselves don't want to?? Afterall, if they can have enough room for dessert, one skinny piece of pork rib is not going to make much difference?? DUH!!!

horri... horriday....

It's amazing how much one can learn about people around him/her when travelling on a group tour. During a recent trip to Hong Kong, I was quite amused to find the following categories of people...

The Rookie Indian Chief
These are the kind of people who in any circumstance, refuse to admit that they are a rookie. One of the women in my group has never in her life been to Hong Kong for a tour. But she refuses to admit her cluelessness and weeks ahead of the trip, began planning her itinerary and checking out internet websites on "where to go", "what to do" during the trip. The best part is, such people are also keen to show-off their "intelligence" by taking the lead. It's as though nobody else would know what to do if she does not lead the group. End result? Apparently this lady led her tiny party of four to purchase Madam Trussard museum entry tickets which were packaged with a tram ticket at HK$120. When all the party needed to pay for was the museum entry, as they already have a pre-paid MTR card that enables them to travel on the tram without paying extra. And not to mention travelling a long way to have Tsu Cha dinner which cost the party HK$70 per head for cooking fee, on top of what they were already paying for the ingredients and dishes. When in a place where bargains are aplenty like HK, she's certainly not cut out to lead the pack.

The Lost Ones
I don't know about other people but no matter how familiar I am with the foreign city, I always find that having a good map makes me feel secure about exploring the city. That's all the more important when one does not understand the language in which road signs are written, or generally have a bad sense of direction. If all else fails, finding someone to ask is the key. In this trip, it amazes me how people can happily wander around a foreign place without taking note which way they came from nor bothering to look at road signs. At each traffic junction, the poor lost ones would turn to one another to ask "which way?? which way??" and still not have a clue where to go. And please, dear ones, you don't have gold in your mouth. So please open them and ask for directions.

The Ones who Laugh First
These are the ones who tend to make the biggest fool of themselves. I'm referring to those who laugh at other experienced travellers for bringing a bigger than necc luggage for a shopping trip to HK, or those who think they had the best deals simply because they bought Espirit clothing at S$10 cheaper than in Singapore and thought they had the best deal. Well hello hello on check out day when these are the same people who realised they have to purchase additional luggage to contain their shopping, or people who discover to their dismay that there is an Espirit factory outlet which had the same clothes at even lower bargains.

The Blamers
Perhaps I would see them as the most irritating sort of the group. These are people who don't bother to find their own programme, who don't have a mind of their own and their itineraries depend on what other people have suggested or commented. Then at the end of the trip, they would say things like "aiyah... XX shouldn't have told us this and that cos YY said it's something else. We should have gone there... " etc. It's like... hello... you can listen but ultimately you make your own choices what you want to do with your time there. So quit blaming anyone or anything.

As for me?? which type am I?? I'm the kind that works best on my own. Equipped with a map so I know where to go, I plan my walks and cover every inch I want to explore. Street market bargains may be attractive to some but I believe in "ai pi, ai chi".... cheap and good quality so I can wear it more than once. And most of all, walking on my own is the best as it gives me the most freedom... I can decide which shop I want to go to, which small lane I want to turn into away from the main road to explore the place, what do I want to do for meals and where to go. There's no need to blame anything or anyone if I missed a spot cos I planned my own adventure. I'm the Lone Wanderer... A little anti-social I admit, but at the very least, the decisions I make do not make anybody else's holiday into a horriday...kekeke

*pardon my rambling... I'm just enjoying a little self-entertainment from people-watching during my trip

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale You are active, a challenger, and optimistic. Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

The Animal Personality Test

Face-Lift.... almost literally

Sometimes I wonder why do some people insist on sticking their face so close to the elevator door... it's almost as if they wanted to kiss the door while they are in the lift... and when the lift door opens, the person on the outside gets a shock of nearly running into a human wall when they want to step into the lift compartment. The most champion of the lot are those who stick their noses next to the lift door and somehow refuses to budge to make way for incoming lift passengers. Afterall, if everyone is going to the same floor (in this case, the carpark) and if there's plenty of room in the lift compartment, there's no harm in taking a step back right? You will still get out of the lift with plenty of time to spare before the door closes....

(lift door opens)

A: (nearly bumping into lift-door kisser) oops sorry...

B: (Stares blankly at A, refuses to move)

A: Is this lift going up or down?

Others: Down (B continues to stare mutely)

A: err... ok (makes a move to enter the lift)

B: (still staring blankly and not moving despite plenty of space behind her... while Others are wondering why is B is holding up everyone when A clearly wants to enter the lift.)

A: (makes a step to squeeze in nevertheless... ignoring B's idiocy)

B: (Finally moves aside from lift-door kissing position because B is obviously too big build to feel comfortable squeezing with someone else)

And finally everyone makes their way to the carpark level. *shake head*

Sleepy monday...

Arggh... I hate this feeling of medication-induced sleepy lethargy... makes me feel as though I shouldn't be awake when the effect should have worn off in last night's sleep. And the cool weather didn't help... almost makes me feel like shutting my eyes when I was driving. Believe me... the persuasion of heavy eyelids was pretty tough to fight off in the morning drive...

Called up helpdesk last friday due to some msn problems I had... and the episode just made me wish that people would stop to listen and understand what the problem is before rattling off standard answers....

Me: Hi, I've got problems connecting to msn. I understand that the msn server is currently experiencing problems so I can't connect but I've accidentally....

Helpdesk: err.. the msn server is currently down so everyone can't connect.

Me: Yes I know that. I was saying I accidentally installed msn version 7.5. How can I uninstall and have it as version 7.0 again?

Helpdesk: everyone is using msn version 7.0.

Me: (slightly frustrated) Yes I know that. I'm asking how do I uninstall version 7.5 so I can install version 7.0 again?

Helpdesk: you'll have to uninstall version 7.5

Me: (totally lost it) argh... forget it.

Obviously the helpdesk person wasn't using her ears or brain to listen to what I just said. otherwise she wouldn't be repeating everything I just said... sigh,....

Nightmares....

It's been a long time since I remembered any dreams I've had when I sleep, much less a nightmare. Last night, it was one of those rare moments when I have a really bad nightmare. I dreamt that there was this dark presence with a truly evil voice tempting, coaxing, persuading me to give up the struggle, as it tries to engulf and overwhelming me in some evil black blob (for lack of a better word to describe it). The blob was a fog-like swarmp, fluid, like a thick oily liquid and moving fast to trap my legs and one arm within it. I struggled to get free with my other arm but I had nothing to hang on to and my free arm couldn't move.

For some reason I knew it was evil, and while I couldn't hear what the voice was saying, it almost sounded like the devil was talking to me.... threatening me and discouraging me from freeing myself. In my sleep, I began to say a prayer.... and I was sort of "sleep-talking" my prayer. The most amazing thing is everytime I come to the word "God", I could feel myself waking up a bit, in peace, and my mouth mumbling. And you know how some dreams continue themselves, almost like a sequel. And this one did. No sooner did I fall asleep again, the blob tried to swallow me again. Again I mumbled a prayer and got free.

This went on a few times... in fact I remember "praying" myself awake 3 times and the fourth time I fell asleep, the attack came on even stronger than before. It almost felt as though I could feel my whole room filled to the brim with this dark presence and it was threatening to stop me from breathing so I won't mumble and "pray" myself awake again. In a desperate cry for breath, I prayed "save me, God" and I could feel myself gasping for air at the word "God" as I woke up... eyes wide open as I felt a sense of peace and calm decend upon me and spread throughout the room.

Sounds frightening and supernatural I know... but when God gives a reminder call this loud and clear, it just goes to show one thing. I've been backsliding for too long and it's time to return to Him.

bak chang......no more....

After indulging myself in plenty of bak chang and "peng kuey" over the past weekend, I'm feeling pretty much like a stuffed bak chang myself...and seriously, this is NOT the time to get fat. Afterall the Great Singapore Sale is here and it's time to look out for cheap but nice clothes!!

Anyone of you hit the shops yet?? Heard from a colleague tht M)phosis has got some pretty good bargains... with some items going at 50% discount!

Sometimes, after being in a certain job after a period of time, one sort of longs for a break. And it's not the vacation kind of break I'm referring to. Rather.... it's a break from the focus and need to use certain skills properly. For example, my work involves a certain amount of writing - choosing words to use, phrasing of sentences, looking out for grammar. And sometimes I get so tired for this word craft that I just want to throw proper English out of the window for a while, say on forums or blogs.

or maybe I'm just getting too stressed up..... *readsd above* What a load of rambling nonsense.

anyway, the point is, I'm still alive.... heh

Have been neglecting my blog for some time.... hmmm... guess I haven't been inspired to write much these past few weeks... (or is it months already??)

Anyway been feeling that I've been staying at home a little too much these few months and seem to be losing touch of what's happening outside... perhaps it's long overdue that I start meeting up with some friends that I haven't met up for some time... heh....

"I'm Head Boy!!"

Swish and Flick....

12", Holly, Dragon
You scored 47 wisdom, 38 bravery, 15 emotional, and 11 martyrdom!
Holly is a powerful protective wood that good for use against evil, but it also represents dreams and fertility. Your dragon's heartstring core makes your wand very effective in hexes.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 58% on wisdom
You scored higher than 60% on bravery
You scored higher than 31% on emotional
You scored higher than 6% on martyrdom

What's Your Wand

hmmm...

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

But i don't intend to be hungry or bald anytime soon.... *gasp*

mourning for a kitten...

Today I did a terrible thing.... I found a kitten at my office building yesterday morning and apparently it has been abandoned by its mother since sunday. It was hungry and its eyes were still closed... barely a few days old. I tried to feed it some milk this morning but after thinking through, there's no way I can take care of the kitten even if I brought it home... newborns need to be fed kitten formula milk once every 2 hours... there's no one at home that can take care of it.... I asked a few colleagues and most already have cats at home to take care of and unwilling to take on another. There seemed to be no alternative and it would have died if it continued to stay outside without the mother.... out of hunger and dehydration, suffering while it died.

I brought the poor kitten to SPCA this evening, and the probability is that it will be put down humanely. The minute I stepped out of SPCA I felt so sad... as though I had been the murderer surrendering the kitten to SPCA. I cried and cried on my way home and still crying now as I thought about the kitten. It was so adorable and such a fighter too... spirited kitten. If only the mother cat hadn't abandoned it at such a young age... it would have survived... it would have had a life....

It was a terrible thing to do and how I hate myself for having done it....I do hope they feed the kitten tonight before it's put to sleep tomorrow... at least it would have slept well... having satisfied its hunger....

I;m sorry kitten.... bye...

hehe... black wings... just how i like them....

Brooding FaerieYou are the Brooding Faerie. You are always working over something in your mind. Not exactly thoughtful, but... brooding. Something has happened to you that requires a lot of thinking over; and it's probably not good. Wings: Black Power: Darkness Sexual appeal: You are a distant and vague person; the perfect type to try to win over. Many guys see you as a challenge that they'd love to overcome, with your heart as the prize. Maybe after you're in love you'll be able to let the darkness in your heart pass. What you look for in a guy: You look for the same, dark-emotional guy, someone that reflects your feelings and that has the same outlook as you. Usually he has dark/black eyes and hair, and sometimes he even wears mascara and eye shadow, but strangely enough you don't seem to attract these kinds of guys. Go figure.
Take this quiz!

Smokin'.... literally....

My notebook suffered a black-out yesterday and my company's helpdesk has loaned me a spare unit for my working purposes. I managed to salvage my hard disk and RAM from my notebook and have it switched to the loan unit so that i can continue to do my stuff at a proper speed...

and just now the IBM guys came to test my notebook and in the middle of it, the notebook started smoking.... literally.... well... that's a first.

Somehow i find the incident rather hilarious because i think it's a first my helpdesk guys have encountered... and considering my notebook is only 1.5 years old.... it's a rather clear sign that my notebook would rather "commit suicide" than to be overworked by me... hahaha

Feel free to complain!!

No self-analysis is complete without hearing the negative side of things... so here goes... click here and choose 5-6 negative words that you think most aptly describes me!!

The Dance

The Dance
A lone shade
mutely waits, breathing
snake-like wisps spiraling
in the humid breeze.

A nameless tune
hummed softly, solo
in the chorus
of midnight traffic.

The corner window
on the top floor,
singled out
from the fluorescent parade.

Twin silhouettes
waltzing, within the lighted screen,
tangled and intertwined
in a liberated dance.

A callous epitaph,
mourned to opened eyes,
dissipating the warmth
of the forgotten spectre.

You would be a Forest Spirit. You are quiet and
calm, and go with which ever way the wind
blows you.

INFO: A Forest Spirit is a faerie-like creature
found in the legends, folklore, and mythology
of many different cultures. They are
generally humanoid in form, though of a
higher, spiritual nature and so possessed of
preternatural abilities, along with such
mystical qualities as otherworldly beauty and
grace, an ethereal glow, wings, or the like.

YOUR WORDS:
Breezey
Growth
Nature


What Kind of Mythical Creature are You? (WITH PICS FOR ALL 12 RESULTS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Time to hit the battlefield

Maybe it's just me... I noticed a certain trend in my own behaviour... i.e. I tend to play more PC games when I'm stressed up or working hard at something. Previously work was rather busy and stressful, so I found myself finishing the entire Battle for Middle Earth campaign in a matter of 2 weeks....

and now I'm devoting time to finish as much of my dissertation as possible each week, I hitting the games again.... only thing is... it's Battle for Middle Earth II!!!! Yipee... felt so glad that I bought the game... and seriously I think they should make all computers so super powerful that you don't have to keep upgrading your specs so that you can play the latest games.... :S

BFME II seems as exciting as BFME I to play.... only thing is... the battalions are bigger, more complicated and you have to purchase your own upgrades to the barracks and archery range. Hey whatever happened to auto-upgrade which was so cool in the first game? I like the create-a-hero feature that enables you to create your own hero.... and BFME II is packed with so many options to play -- campaign, skirmish or even a War of the Ring campaign that is similar to the card game... heh... not to mention there are more scenarios to play since this is based more on the book than just the films... kekeke

It's gaming time.... kekekeke

tell me what you think...

It's time i find out what people think about me.... Click here!

how abnormal am I?? I thought I was mad!!

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

What luck...!

I'm never a person who believes much in luck... except I tend to think that I'm not that lucky most of the time. But the past weekend has been surprisingly lucky....

Went to a friend's place for mahjong and luck was shining on my side... even after "bao-ing" one round of loses, I emerged the biggest winner with $20... kekeke we played small lah... only 20-40 cents for one "tai"....

And on the way to collect my car from the carpark after the game, who should I see but a parking pontianak standing right in front of my coupon-less car!! And again lady luck was with me for she was looking at her sms and hasn't had time to look at my car. I quickly opened the door and drove off... *phew*

Then at another friend's place, just as we were parking, we saw the parking pontianak again!! We quickly tore off a coupon and placed it in the car to avoid the summons... kekeke...

And at my friend's friend's place ... (it sounds confusing yeh... but I don't really know the house owner... ) there was a game of blackjack. Although we played for a short time, I won $4... kekeke... and that was on top of the winnings i had earlier in the day from mahjong... Yahoo!!

though winnings are small... any winning is good luck. not to mention evading the parking pontianaks!! What luck!!

Gong Xi Gong Xi...

... But not neccessarily Fa Cai... went to play blackjack at a colleague's place during the third day of Chinese New Year and the host had such good luck that everyone lost... almost every penny they bet. hmmm... gambling during Chinese New Year seem to have lost its shine on me... esp when I'm losing... kekeke

Anyway, Happy Lunar New Year and hope it bore more good fortunes to you than me. :D

I'm a Morning Grouch...

Yep... no doubt about it. It's be confirmed, stamped and verified. I'm definitely not a morning person. Perhaps it's because I'm never getting enough sleep. The silly body system refuses to feel sleepy till 2 plus in the morning and by the time I wake up at 7 plus for work, the grouch has surfaced.

I prefer mornings when I can wake up and quietly go about my own stuff... get a shower, get dressed for work and just leave for work. It would be most ideal if I can have a nice hot cup of coffee peacefully as well.... but somehow mom seems to think that morning is the best time to chat. Can't blame her really cos I'm never around until late at night, by which time she has gone to sleep.

Simple chatting.. i can do in the morning. Simply don't nag at me for doing this, not doing that, should do this, not do that etc. When that happens, the grouch roars...

So there it is... I'm a confirmed morning grouch. More of a nocturnal creature cats are....

Thank God it's a sunny Friday morning!

Finally!! After more than a week of cold and wet days, today I woke up to a sunny morning, complete with a nice clear blue sky. Thank God!!

The cold weather has been quite a challenge to me, having caught a cold during the Hari Raya Haji public holiday. Been trying to recover from a cold, sore throat and cough all at the same time. Rather trying on the body and especially since cold weather makes me perpetually HUNGRY...

*ahem ahem* Almost finished one entire box of Strepsils but the good thing is the sore throat is gone. Now there's just the stupid cough to deal with...

I look forward to more sunny mornings like this.. :D

Earthy Brown...

Took the "What's your true color" test on Tickle.com and this is what i get... kekeke

Your true color is Brown!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

Here comes 2006...

Happy New Year...!!! and a brand new year 2006 starts.
Actually it's just like any other day for me... doesn't seem to quite strike me as to whether anything will be different this year. Sounds boring huh?

Nope... no new year resolutions for me... for I've never believed in setting them in the first place since I already know that I'm not one who can keep them... oh well...

Sometimes it just makes me feel like a hamster at a wheel... keep running and running and nothing seems different. heh...

Just rambling...

Why Christmas is Merry

Why Christmas is Merry

No white snowflakes,
nor presents and cakes.
No Santa Claus,
nor carolling songs.

Just clear skies,
stars twinkling bright.
A deep silence,
of peace and reverence.

For eons ago,
in a manger's hollow.
A hope ignites,
on the very same night.

Christ was born,
God's only son.
Forever we celebrate
A love none can equate.

Capitalist Pig!!

Capitalist Pig
You are 57% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 57% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Capitalist Pig! This means that you are less emotional than most, focusing more on logic. You are also more selfish, greedy, and care very little for the well-being of others, hence you probably hold capitalistic political views. You are also an extrovert, like most of the people in the hallmark capitalistic country of America. Despite these traits, you are surprisingly not very arrogant, tending to view yourself as equal to others. Which seems strange given that you are so mean and brutal to others at times. In conclusion, your personality defect is that you are a bit too logical, rather unemotional, way too extroverted, and also very brutal in regards to others. You may even be a bit insecure about yourself, little piggy. So stop being so selfish and calculating and learn to see people as people, man!

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Starving Artist.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Smartass, the Braggart, and the Spiteful Loner.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Morbid but fun...

I know it's rather late to rave about it but pardon me for not catching the movie when it was in the theatres. Anyway, I just saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on vcd and I thought Tim Burton was brilliant!! He not only injected his style into the movie, but I thought he brought out the morbidity of Roald Dahl's characteristic style so well!! The oompa-loompas are extremely disturbing I find... which was pretty much what Roald Dahl wanted to accomplish...

And Johnny Depp was excellent as Willy Wonka,... keke... A pity though that the movie has to cater to the mass market... and hence nobody really died in the show. If i remember the book correctly, I thought Violet got so round and fat with juice that she burst... heh....

How much is this blog worth??

My blog is worth $2,822.70.
How much is your blog worth?

When is enough... enough?

In a relationship, when is enough really enough?? True... I agree that a relationship is built on truth and trust in each other... but have there been times when a person has done something really stupid and it was a dilemma of telling the truth and therefore upsetting the partner... or telling a white lie... hoping that what he/she don't know doesn't hurt??

and how is it that two persons who love each other can find so much to quarrel about?? what is there to quarrel?

I don't like quarrels...and frankly i don't believe that a relationship means being happy every moment. I believe that in every relationship there are ups and downs... the ups are the happy moments, but there are bound to be times when two people will disagree... the downs. That was how God made us in the first place... with free will... otherwise He might as well have manufactured us a perfect robots. And because I believe every relationship is imperfect, even our relationship with God for we are humans and we are flawed, no matter how much a couple disagree, I feel that is part and parcel of a relationship. How disagreements are talked out are part and parcel of the work that is required to keep a relationship healthy. Yes work! Whoever said that relationships are pure enjoyment?? That's only the partial by-product of a well-managed relationship.

But why is it that some people feel the need to raise the question or even seem to threaten to break up every time there is a disagreement? Shouldn't the fact that you love him/her be enough for you to stop you from even mentioning that? And when will enough be enough... that the person on the receiving end might just decide to take that threat seriously once and for all...

How I wish I can say never.

Your job is to LISTEN!! Not interrupt!

How annoying can it get when you call a helpdesk to solve a problem and before you can fully describe what is wrong, the person on the helpdesk keeps interrupting you by jumping to her own conclusions about what went wrong or about your problem???

Highly annoying. When will they ever teach helpdesk and service people to listen, think then speak? Not that I'm going to take half an hour to tell her the problem i encountered. If only she would just shut up and listen then I could have ended that call in just 5 minutes instead of taking 15 minutes to disagree with her wrong conclusions and elaborate what went wrong!!

Simply a waste of time.

No queue... but where's the cab??

I've set a new record for myself today... was trying to get to work and unfortunately, me dad took the car today. Spent 45 minutes calling 5 different cab companies on the house phone and handphone simultaneously... and no cab...

There are like what?? 7 cab companies in singapore with their own fleets of thousands of cabs... and there's not a single cab who can take a call at my estate. Yet i see cabs of different colors and companies sporting the On Call sign as they drove by... what happened to my call??

Sigh....

i like blue... kekeke

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

I want my life back...

Ever since I started working, it felt like an endless struggle to earn enough so that I can save some for rainy days. But somehow in my world, the rain doesn't seem to stop. Somehow or other, once I've accumulated some savings, a big ticket item will come along and I'm back to square one of struggling. And I wish my mom will stop asking for more money every single time. I don't have money to give her... not any more than what I can give now. Why wouldn't my parents believe me when I say I have none to spare??

I seldom shop... only recently because I realised that most of my working clothes are 2 years old and wearing out. I've got my own bills to pay e.g. phone, internet, insurance... and on top of that I've got to pay for my dad's car - insurance, servicing, road tax, car park. And my mom's medical bills etc. My yearly increment can't beat the yearly inflation rates and my dad recently decided to stop paying housekeeping. Fortunately my brother also contributed and paid what he can... but mom, please stop asking me for more money. Please stop buying 4D so that you can at least have a few $10 notes spare for the month. Please stop buying large quantities of food that no one can finish because we don't eat at home that often, so no point letting it go to waste. Please try not to tailor clothes at $200 a piece. I really can't afford it. And Dad, please think twice about changing cars because I have no money to help you support it. Let's just be satisfied with what we already have and live simply so that at the very least, I can save some for rainy storms. At the very least, I will have a life back... instead of being a slave to money.

feeling the urge to chomp on somebody now...

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale You are active, a challenger, and optimistic. Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

The Animal Personality Test

What does it mean...?

What does it mean when someone says they haven't had enough of the freedom?? What does it mean when someone says they want you to respect them??

And I wonder, how often do the people who asks for these, look within themselves and think through whether they have given that same level of freedom and respect that you've been giving them and yet they demand for more??

I wonder...

*in a voodoo doll mode... wishing I can stick some needles in a certain voodoo doll*

Scream

Saw this poem by a contemporary Indian poet and some of the images really strike me as haunting and bleak... but there are some parts that I still don't quite get from the poem...Posted it on DPS (S) to find out what others can interpret from it but so far no reply yet... wonder if any of you guys have any ideas....

(From Random Descent, 2005)
Scream
by Jayanta Mahapatra

A scream never ends. It tries
to be kind, but our hatred keeps
coming between us. The night stands
like a conqueror over it, the spear of darkness
held in her hands, the centre of everything.

Like a dark stubborn child, the scream.
Like its mother, cold, aloof.
It is inside my head all the time,
as days and shadows pass by,
till it wakens me to a different reality,
till it dislikes me for its throne's sake.

Ashes of sobs, the baying of hounds,
the snarling jaws of ceremony, the vomit of iron.
A scream tests warm, small innocences,
divests the long moment of its manhood.

Wild as the Dance, the Winds and Flood,
its deep streets are mortared with bone and blood.
Blindfold your scream again, sweet Mariam,
with the quick blood flowing down your seven-year thighs.

People are like Onions...

We might have heard this expression often enough but most of the time, we are just referring to how much we know about a person i.e. their external vs internal thoughts & character....

but that's not my line of thinking... People are like onions in terms of how they've chosen to live their lives... There are people who have grown up knowing only those things that happen around them, where their whole lives are governed by immediate concerns. Things like growing up, getting married, settling down, getting the right job, their families, their kids. Some of us in Singapore might refer to them as heartlanders. To me, they are like the core of an onion, shelled in and untouched by happenings outside of their immediate perspective, not knowing and not wishing to know what's outside of that shell.

Then there are those who are concerned with current affairs around the world, who read the news and know what's happening outside of their comfort zone. They know more about what's going on but most only scratch the surface. These people are like the next couple of layers above and around the core. It's not that they are not interested... they are... but they don't go beyond just gaining common information so they don't sound ignorant.

Then there are those who get to the roots of that knowledge. They can grasp and understand what are the forces at play. They can look at politics and understand what was not written in the news but yet play an powerful part in influencing how things turn out. These people are what I think the outer layer of the onion, pretty much in touch with everything, interior and exterior, and they know how to manipulate that information to get what they want, to benefit themselves and their situation, or even that of others....

and for me... I want to break out of that shell....

just rambling....

I should have known better...

I should have known better... than to start reading a new storybook on a weekday night. I should have known my reading habits by now but still, I failed to resist the temptation.

And now I regret... having stayed up till 5 am this morning, I actually finished reading the entire book (not a large book). And with eyes attempting to stay closed everytime I blinked and a brain that is more asleep than awake, having rested for less than 2 hours, I'm paying the price for giving in to my temptation to read a book... argh....

sleepy, tired... I need my bed....

D&D - Dungeons and Dragons... kekeke

Hehehe.... it's my time to say I'm having so much fun!!! kekekee the reason?? My brother bought a pair of speakers for his room and after trying to arrange for the speakers, the amplifier, his huge flatscreen TV, dvd player and PS2 in his room, he has run out of space for anything else. The result?? He passed me his Xbox!!! muahahaha...

Been having fun cutting down monsters and skeletons last night, playing Dungeons and Dragons - Heroes. kekekeke.... Now not only can I play Battle for Middle-Earth on my computer as and when I wish to, I can simply plug in and play Xbox games too!! and along with the Xbox, he passed me all the games he had bought so far.... hehehe it's PLAYTIME!!!!

You scored as Samantha Jones. Your Samantha Jones! Your a power driven woman, with sex never too far off mind. You tend to get a little distant with your friends sometimes, but you just have a different way of handling situations. You know who wears the pants in your reltaionships with men. Your the life of the party, and god dammit no one will tell you different! Samantha Jones 60% Carrie Bradshaw 40% Charlotte York 40% Miranda Hobbs 20% Which of the 4 Sex & the City Gals are YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

I know what you're thinking....

Wished I was something different though..... kekeke You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic Jean Grey 75% Wolverine 70% Emma Frost 65% Cyclops 65% Rogue 60% Iceman 55% Colossus 55% Gambit 55% Storm 50% Beast 25% Nightcrawler 25% Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com