Been rather busy lately so that explains the drought of postings... anyway been busy preparing for the photoshoot (finally over on Friday) and also packing and moving stuff from the old office to the new.
The new office is bigger, brighter and what i like most is the new furniture. Finally i get a proper table-top that is functional... not those swanky designer stuff that has hardly any space left once you've placed a computer on it... hehehe
Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
An ending to an era....
Yesterday night was the night the Chinese Orchestra held its 20th anniversary concert and to mark the milestone, the concert was held at the Esplanade Concert Hall.
Well, as a community centre orchestra comprising all amateur players, there are constraints on how much audience we can draw, even if it's held a professional venue like The Esplanade. But it was a fitting ending to an era, sort of.
In particular, it was the marking of an end to my personal era.... I was one of the pioneering members in that orchestra and yes, I've been in the troupe for 20 years. In fact, I've been playing my instrument for 22 years. Have seen a whole load of good... and crap that went on in the troupe through the years, and ups and down in my own performance "career path" too.
I started out as a rookie player in 1987, barely 12 years old and just out of my PSLE when I decided to follow my then-instructor to join the troupe. Afterall, I defied my parents to join Chinese Orchestra in primary school and having spent money on my own personal instrument, I was not about to give it up that easily. And over the years, have gotten to know a lot of friends, people in the orchestra, and in the learning process, developed better skills at it. Had the honour of learning from the best too.... the national "grade" players and representative of the instrument I was playing.... when they came to singapore to perform and also when we went to Beijing for the first time.
I think I peaked in my 20s.... when I was good enough to play solo pieces and was pretty much playing a leading role in the section. That was a decade of performances every year, sometimes two per year because I was in the Uni's orchestra as well.... and was really actively mastering my skills and playing new songs.
Yesterday I realised I've come down from that peak... sad but to think that it lasted 10 years, it was worth it. The young ones are picking up much faster than this old brain can... and work and other commitments that I have nowadays mean I don't have the kind of energy and time to devote to the practice like what I used to. And 10 years ago, the orchestra troupe started its series of annual performances with a solo performance.... mine. And this year, it ended its decade with another solo item from me.... sort of like wrapping up what I started... and there's a good feeling abt it. Considering my solo piece miraculously went smoothly without error only at the actual performance.... hahaha... what an end!
Well, as a community centre orchestra comprising all amateur players, there are constraints on how much audience we can draw, even if it's held a professional venue like The Esplanade. But it was a fitting ending to an era, sort of.
In particular, it was the marking of an end to my personal era.... I was one of the pioneering members in that orchestra and yes, I've been in the troupe for 20 years. In fact, I've been playing my instrument for 22 years. Have seen a whole load of good... and crap that went on in the troupe through the years, and ups and down in my own performance "career path" too.
I started out as a rookie player in 1987, barely 12 years old and just out of my PSLE when I decided to follow my then-instructor to join the troupe. Afterall, I defied my parents to join Chinese Orchestra in primary school and having spent money on my own personal instrument, I was not about to give it up that easily. And over the years, have gotten to know a lot of friends, people in the orchestra, and in the learning process, developed better skills at it. Had the honour of learning from the best too.... the national "grade" players and representative of the instrument I was playing.... when they came to singapore to perform and also when we went to Beijing for the first time.
I think I peaked in my 20s.... when I was good enough to play solo pieces and was pretty much playing a leading role in the section. That was a decade of performances every year, sometimes two per year because I was in the Uni's orchestra as well.... and was really actively mastering my skills and playing new songs.
Yesterday I realised I've come down from that peak... sad but to think that it lasted 10 years, it was worth it. The young ones are picking up much faster than this old brain can... and work and other commitments that I have nowadays mean I don't have the kind of energy and time to devote to the practice like what I used to. And 10 years ago, the orchestra troupe started its series of annual performances with a solo performance.... mine. And this year, it ended its decade with another solo item from me.... sort of like wrapping up what I started... and there's a good feeling abt it. Considering my solo piece miraculously went smoothly without error only at the actual performance.... hahaha... what an end!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Back home and feeling desperate...
Yes.. Finally finished my last round of work-related travels and settling down... only to find that I'm desperate.... because Christmas is on Tuesday and I haven't done any Christmas shopping!!! Argh...!
The thought of weaving through throngs of people in the middle of Orchard Road defeats me. Think it's time to do some smart shopping.... drawing up a list of people to shop for and desperately hoping that alternative shopping venues are less crowded...
*Fingers crossed!*
The thought of weaving through throngs of people in the middle of Orchard Road defeats me. Think it's time to do some smart shopping.... drawing up a list of people to shop for and desperately hoping that alternative shopping venues are less crowded...
*Fingers crossed!*
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
............
I can't sleep. Not at all... despite the fact that my body and mind is tired as hell. I lie in bed tossing this way and that and my eyes are still wide open. My pulse is racing, my chest feels tight and I find it a labour to breathe. It just feels so uncomfortable that I almost wish I can be disembodied from my physical body.
Why? I'm too stressed to sleep. My mind can't stop churning and I thought I won't have to say this of my job for a long time but I was wrong... I actually dread falling asleep to wake up the next day and find myself having to go to work. And when one starts dreading to go to his/her job, well.... it says something about how much longer one can put up with it....
Why? I'm too stressed to sleep. My mind can't stop churning and I thought I won't have to say this of my job for a long time but I was wrong... I actually dread falling asleep to wake up the next day and find myself having to go to work. And when one starts dreading to go to his/her job, well.... it says something about how much longer one can put up with it....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Good Ol' Days??
**Warning: Random ramblings below....**
Sometimes I hear my favourite songs on the radio and start singing along with it. There was one such incident when I was singing along with a song and a friend of mine commented that it shows how old I am.
I, for one, have no issue about telling people exactly how old I am. And come to think of it, a lot of the songs that we've heard in the "good ol' days" have much more meaningful lyrics and meaning in them than the ones that are fed to us over the radio these days. Not to mention, many of the old time singers are MUCH, MUCH BETTER singers.... than the wannabes we see (and try not to hear) these days.
Listening to senseless droning of songs that go "my hump my hump" or worse... I wonder sometimes whether in this day and age of technology superhighway, are we running out of ideas that make for good, meaningful content? What happened to originality? Creativity? Imagination? even just simply, a recounting of one's experiences and opinion in life?
Fortunately, there's still hope... and I place mine in books. At the very least, they remain the one constant source for ideas... particularly for the movie industry. Exciting a movie may seem, reading the written word and imagining it all happening in my head.... well, nothing beats the power of the human mind.
Sometimes I hear my favourite songs on the radio and start singing along with it. There was one such incident when I was singing along with a song and a friend of mine commented that it shows how old I am.
I, for one, have no issue about telling people exactly how old I am. And come to think of it, a lot of the songs that we've heard in the "good ol' days" have much more meaningful lyrics and meaning in them than the ones that are fed to us over the radio these days. Not to mention, many of the old time singers are MUCH, MUCH BETTER singers.... than the wannabes we see (and try not to hear) these days.
Listening to senseless droning of songs that go "my hump my hump" or worse... I wonder sometimes whether in this day and age of technology superhighway, are we running out of ideas that make for good, meaningful content? What happened to originality? Creativity? Imagination? even just simply, a recounting of one's experiences and opinion in life?
Fortunately, there's still hope... and I place mine in books. At the very least, they remain the one constant source for ideas... particularly for the movie industry. Exciting a movie may seem, reading the written word and imagining it all happening in my head.... well, nothing beats the power of the human mind.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Another one to the list
Someone decided to console me by saying that I have an international face.... one that blends... and I think perhaps a little too well....
latest addition to the list of mistaken identities - someone commented I look like a Vietnamese and started to converse with me in Vietnamese...
sigh....
latest addition to the list of mistaken identities - someone commented I look like a Vietnamese and started to converse with me in Vietnamese...
sigh....
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
HCMC.... 14 years later
Reporting to you from Ho Chi Minh City....
Some people may think that it is no big deal... but for me, it is. Afterall, the first time I came to HCMC was 14 years ago, before Vietnam officially opened for tourism. That was as authentic an experience as one could get of old Vietnam...
And now 14 years later... so much has changed. The streets are cleaned up, more proper roads, tonnes more traffic... a lot more cars (as compared to last time when our tour minibus was among the few countable 4-wheeled vehicles on the road)... and as the plane flew over the city before it landed, I noticed with a sense of nostalgia that the paddy fields I used to see had changed into suburban city and industrial parks....
Large international brands are now visible everywhere and Espirit is in a prominent, new white building.... For those of you who have been here in recent years, you may have seen this change and felt it's nothing.... but for me, I think if I look back at the photos I've taken then, it's a world of difference....
For all I know, I could even sell those photos as heritage stuff or something....and even the locals are commenting that my last trip to HCMC 14 years ago was very very adventurous...
I feel a sense of achievement and a sense of satisfaction that I had seen it before modern globalisation colonised the place....
Some people may think that it is no big deal... but for me, it is. Afterall, the first time I came to HCMC was 14 years ago, before Vietnam officially opened for tourism. That was as authentic an experience as one could get of old Vietnam...
And now 14 years later... so much has changed. The streets are cleaned up, more proper roads, tonnes more traffic... a lot more cars (as compared to last time when our tour minibus was among the few countable 4-wheeled vehicles on the road)... and as the plane flew over the city before it landed, I noticed with a sense of nostalgia that the paddy fields I used to see had changed into suburban city and industrial parks....
Large international brands are now visible everywhere and Espirit is in a prominent, new white building.... For those of you who have been here in recent years, you may have seen this change and felt it's nothing.... but for me, I think if I look back at the photos I've taken then, it's a world of difference....
For all I know, I could even sell those photos as heritage stuff or something....and even the locals are commenting that my last trip to HCMC 14 years ago was very very adventurous...
I feel a sense of achievement and a sense of satisfaction that I had seen it before modern globalisation colonised the place....
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Escapist again....
Maybe I'm hitting depression mode again.... there are some days where every single little thing just gets to you... making you frustrated. Like not knowing when projects are happening, not knowing what will be the outcome of your plans, or basically just feeling stuck because everything that you need to get things going is dependent on someone else.
It just brings you down and make you so unmotivated at what you do.... at least, that's what it does to me....
and on these occasions, I often catch myself thinking... even wishing.... that I can just disappear into the oblivion and forget about it all....
Yes... seems I'm slipping into the escapist mood again....
It just brings you down and make you so unmotivated at what you do.... at least, that's what it does to me....
and on these occasions, I often catch myself thinking... even wishing.... that I can just disappear into the oblivion and forget about it all....
Yes... seems I'm slipping into the escapist mood again....
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Blight
Stealthily it stalks,
inching its way to the core,
biting, gnawing
at healthy flesh
beneath the flawless skin.
Steadily it creeps,
breaking down the cells,
distintegrating, decaying
tissue and sinew
within the intact organ.
Silently it seeps,
permeating through the pores,
bleeding, soaking
veins and arteries
coursing through the system.
Feebly a flame flickers,
struggling to stay alit,
dying, smothered
in the ashes and debris
of this rotting shell.
inching its way to the core,
biting, gnawing
at healthy flesh
beneath the flawless skin.
Steadily it creeps,
breaking down the cells,
distintegrating, decaying
tissue and sinew
within the intact organ.
Silently it seeps,
permeating through the pores,
bleeding, soaking
veins and arteries
coursing through the system.
Feebly a flame flickers,
struggling to stay alit,
dying, smothered
in the ashes and debris
of this rotting shell.
Zzzz.....
Read storybook till 5 am again... and didn't manage to get to sleep till almost 6 am after tossing and turning....
*brain and eyes threatening to shut down*
*zzzzzzz.................*
Reading can be a health-hazard kinda hobby for me.... *heh*
*brain and eyes threatening to shut down*
*zzzzzzz.................*
Reading can be a health-hazard kinda hobby for me.... *heh*
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Am I Happy??
The answer is No, a resounding one.
Right now, people around me have been making me feel used, undervalued, unappreciated and totally worthless except for the occasional "do you remember where is this? Can print that out for me?"
NO I'm not happy at all. I'm feeling extremely peeved and dissatisfied. Afterall, I have given every effort into everything I do and pretty much given it more priority than it deserved.
I don't like this feeling at all...
Right now, people around me have been making me feel used, undervalued, unappreciated and totally worthless except for the occasional "do you remember where is this? Can print that out for me?"
NO I'm not happy at all. I'm feeling extremely peeved and dissatisfied. Afterall, I have given every effort into everything I do and pretty much given it more priority than it deserved.
I don't like this feeling at all...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Mistaken identities.... I'm a Singaporean Chinese!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my features are really that far off.... When in Phuket or Bangkok, I get mistaken as a Thai and people spoke to me in Thai. The air steward from Thai Airways even offered me Thai newspapers when I specifically asked for ENGLISH newspapers.
In Manila, I get people speaking to me in Tagalog, thinking that I'm Filippino.
In Malaysia, a vendor I was working with for an event had such a look of shock on his face when I spoke to him in Cantonese. That's because he thought I was Malay.
The only place outside of Singapore where I get correctly identified as a Chinese is in India. Ironically, this is one place where I have to spin a story to say I'm from Sikkim because otherwise, they won't allow me onstage as an usher because I'm not Indian.
Gosh.... I'm a Singaporean Chinese! And proud to be an effectively bilingual one, being able to read, write and speak in both English and Chinese. Do I really look that different??
In Manila, I get people speaking to me in Tagalog, thinking that I'm Filippino.
In Malaysia, a vendor I was working with for an event had such a look of shock on his face when I spoke to him in Cantonese. That's because he thought I was Malay.
The only place outside of Singapore where I get correctly identified as a Chinese is in India. Ironically, this is one place where I have to spin a story to say I'm from Sikkim because otherwise, they won't allow me onstage as an usher because I'm not Indian.
Gosh.... I'm a Singaporean Chinese! And proud to be an effectively bilingual one, being able to read, write and speak in both English and Chinese. Do I really look that different??
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
An old song....from a Disney Cartoon....
Hmmm... for no rhyme or reason at all, this song keeps ringing in my head. I remember when the movie first came out, I used to memorise all the lyrics and to this day, I can still sing it word for word... hehehe....
Part of that world (from Disney's The Little Mermaid)
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those -
what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a
- what's that word again?
Street
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand
I'm ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world
Just in case you're wondering... nope I've got no fantasies about being a fish.... hahahahahaha
Part of that world (from Disney's The Little Mermaid)
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those -
what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a
- what's that word again?
Street
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women sick of swimmin'
Ready to stand
I'm ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that shore up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world
Just in case you're wondering... nope I've got no fantasies about being a fish.... hahahahahaha
Monday, October 08, 2007
Fine... call me an Escapist...
Sometimes problems in life just gets to me... whether it's work, people, family etc. And sometimes it just feels so difficult to iron out the kinks and feel normal again. It just seems so overwhelming sometimes that one feels like running away from it all.
That's the feeling I am experiencing right now. Just like the previous post, I feel as though "dooms day" is near and I just want to run away, disappear, vanish from the face of this earth... just because I don't want to face it. I just want to leave everything and forget all about it....
Yes I'm a coward... I can't face it and I'm trying to find ways to deal with it... but it's not working and I'm increasingly frustrated. It's like a wild horse finding itself trapped and can't do anything about it. Suddenly getting a long-term overseas posting doesn't seem like such a bad idea....
That's the feeling I am experiencing right now. Just like the previous post, I feel as though "dooms day" is near and I just want to run away, disappear, vanish from the face of this earth... just because I don't want to face it. I just want to leave everything and forget all about it....
Yes I'm a coward... I can't face it and I'm trying to find ways to deal with it... but it's not working and I'm increasingly frustrated. It's like a wild horse finding itself trapped and can't do anything about it. Suddenly getting a long-term overseas posting doesn't seem like such a bad idea....
Sigh...
Sometimes I just feel as though dooms day is coming... not the kind of dooms day where apocalypse strikes and everyone dies... more like the kind where I have signed a contract that "sold" myself away and will never find it back...
call it a fear of commitment if you will.... but truth is that I find myself reaching the end of my patience and the limit of my compromises....
and I can't shake off the feeling that I'm getting locked up in an unhappy situation....
sigh....
call it a fear of commitment if you will.... but truth is that I find myself reaching the end of my patience and the limit of my compromises....
and I can't shake off the feeling that I'm getting locked up in an unhappy situation....
sigh....
Friday, October 05, 2007
Repeated complaint.... but still
I know you have heard this just recently from me....
But I'm feeling it so I'm posting it again....
I'm SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and on a Friday evening again!!!!!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*this crazy kittyn needs an asylum / psychiatrist / medication / anything!!!!*
But I'm feeling it so I'm posting it again....
I'm SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and on a Friday evening again!!!!!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*this crazy kittyn needs an asylum / psychiatrist / medication / anything!!!!*
Thursday, October 04, 2007
YES!!!! I PASSED!!! FINALLY!!!!!
YES!!!! I finally got the results to the resubmitted dissertation! I PASSED!!! with minor amendments for grammar only.... hehehehehe
*Jumping with JOY!!!*
this calls for a celebration!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ki siao already that it's finally over!!!!*
UPDATE: The only amendments I need to do are on only 3 out of 100 pages... Hoorah!!!!!!!!
*Jumping with JOY!!!*
this calls for a celebration!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*ki siao already that it's finally over!!!!*
UPDATE: The only amendments I need to do are on only 3 out of 100 pages... Hoorah!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
At a loss for words....
Some emails are so tough to write.... or to be generic, sometimes one just encounters situations where one is at a loss for words.... not because there is major emotional trauma or anything like that. It's more because we know that one wrong word, or a misused expression, coupled with cultural differences, can set the other person thinking in the wrong direction.... tricky.
Today I'm at a loss for words..... sigh....
*This black cat has been rendered speechless*
Today I'm at a loss for words..... sigh....
*This black cat has been rendered speechless*
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
breathe... breathe...
*chest pain*
*feeling difficulty breathing*
*heart feeling laboured*
Sheesh... I think I'm too stressed up today.....
*feeling difficulty breathing*
*heart feeling laboured*
Sheesh... I think I'm too stressed up today.....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Razzle Frazzled!!!!
There is a time for everything. Afterall, there are only 24 hours a day, of which some 8 hours are spent in resting. For me, that has been reduced to 5 hours... and occassionally shorter.
But when time doesn't seem to make sense and everything starts coming on like a landslide... that's what I'll call "Frazzle Rock"... it makes me go a little crazy sometimes, as is this post.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But when time doesn't seem to make sense and everything starts coming on like a landslide... that's what I'll call "Frazzle Rock"... it makes me go a little crazy sometimes, as is this post.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
