Another one of my past creations... a short but not-so-short story... kekeke
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I walked in with the rest and took a seat at the second row of the lecture theatre. I couldn't help the feeling of anxiety and anticipation within me -- it's a brand new beginning! It's the first day of school and today is my 19th birthday.
Having just moved into the hostel this morning, I didn't have time to check out my roommate and neighbours, but it seemed like a pretty amiable crowd. Just hope that they don't mind me playing my games late into the night.
I can't wait for lessons to start so that everyone can start introducing themselves, including that guy half a head taller than everyone in the room. Oh god, when was the last time I had a man. The last one wasn't even half a man. This one sure looks interesting.
"My name is Ramazan, from Germany," his guttural voice resonating in the lecture room when it was his turn to speak.
"Ramazan doesn’t sound like a German name" I responded.
With a cat-like speed that's contrary to his huge frame, he turned around and shot me a glance. Upon meeting my gaze, his face soften and offered an explanation "My parents migrated from Turkey to Germany when I was born."
No wonder he had such a thick German accent. His curly locks are framed on a nice set of cheekbones, with big brown deep set eyes.
Lecture has indeed become more interesting.
About Me
- kittyn
- Hmm... a little tough to describe myself... think wierd is the word. Hahah... being straight-forward and someone who can't hide what she's thinking / feeling... truth and honesty in friends is highly valued. :D
17 comments:
Argh... it's finally over... or at least the first half of a boring day is...
I can't believe that after 6 months of holidaying and doing part-times mean that I'll get this bored in class, that is, minus the minutes I've been looking at Ramazan.
Suddenly, thoughts of a Turkish prince sweeping me away from this mudane university to a romantic escapade in the middle-east come to mind.
"Hey! Hello! You're in my class, right?"
I turned around to see a face that is probably many girls' envy and some other girls' worst enemy. Large, bright eyes, cheery smile, on a smooth, fair face framed with luscious black hair. Gosh, she's pretty. How can she bring herself to associate with an ugly duckling like me?
"Yeah, I think you were sitting in front of me in class just now. Hi, I'm Cheryl"
"Hi," I managed a weak smile. "I'm Pat."
"Nice to meet you. Isn't it great? First day of school? How about catching lunch together?"
She seemed sincere and friendly enough. Maybe it was the beginning of a new friendship, I thought.
"Sure, why not?"
"Let's sit over there?" she pointed to towards the first table at the head of the canteen as she spoke. "Some of my friends are there and they'll be delighted to meet you!"
I looked where she pointed and there he was again..... Ramazan.
"Come on" I could barely stop myself from staring as she led me by the hand to the table.
"Hi everyone, I'll like you to meet Pat." Cheryl said as we sat at the table. " I believe you have met Ram."
She pointed at Ramazan and I barely nodded.
A lanky guy sitting on his right with an arm around a girl with short hair and freckles extended his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Jason. It’s nice to meet you. And this is my girlfriend, Lisa."
I shook his hand and nodded to Lisa, "Nice to meet you."
"So you were the one asking Ram about his name. I'm Kate," said a girl with long curly hair, giving me a really friendly smile and has such twinkling eyes that I couldn't resist smiling back.
"Hi, it's nice to meet you." I said, barely able to contain my blush when she mentioned the blooper I made in class.
"And you know who I am," said Ram in a low voice. I smiled at him and noticed what deep, dark eyes he has, the kind that you dream about in romance novels of Prince Charming looking into your soul, mersmerising.
He turned and looked at the guy on his left. Strange that I have never noticed there was anyone sitting there.
A short, small-build fellow, with clean-shaven face and eyes that look straight at you as though he has nothing to fear.
"I'm Roy." He managed a small smile and went back to his quiet, expressionless demeanor.
"Hi," I said quietly. Just then, Cheryl laughed.
"Oh he's always like that. Don't be bothered with him. Come on, let's go get lunch. I'm hungry."
I wish I could dismiss his manner as easily as Cheryl. I can't help but think about did I do something wrong to make Roy angry or something. He certainly didn't seem to like me as a friend as much as the others.
*Riiiiiiiiiiinnnngggggg*
Oops, that's the phone and I'm not ready!!
The week seemed to fly past so fast that I didn't realise it was Friday already. And with all that excitement of getting to know Cheryl, Ram (dear, dear Ramazan...), and meeting them for lunch everyday that I can't really believe that Friday is already here!
"Are you getting that?" a bespectacled girl with long hair and small voice asked.
"Yes! Sorry, Drew." Drew is my new roommate and seems pretty OK. A quiet sort of girl that spends practically every minute of her waking moment studying and that is up till 2 am in the morning. Wonder if she ever has any fun?
"Hello," I said as I picked up the phone.
"Hi babe. Are you ready to go?" A low, masculine voice answered on the other end of the line.
"Ram! Oh.... just give me a couple more minutes and I'll meet you in the carpark."
"Going out late tonight?" Drew asked, just as I put down the receiver.
"Yeah," I said. "Meeting up with the guys for dinner and probably go pub-hopping after that."
Was it my imagination or did Drew roll her eyes? I couldn't be sure but the latter sure didn't sound happy to have a roommate that goes out late every night. Great… first Roy doesn’t care a hoot whether he stepped on my toe every time I see him and now my roommate is going to be another difficult-to-handle person. Good thing that I still have the rest of my social life intact with Cheryl and Ram.
Noticing that my "couple of minutes" was nearly up, I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the room, glad to be released from the pressure-cooker for the night.
I walked to the carpark to see Ram, handsome in his black shirt that showed off his biceps, standing next to a blue Honda VTI.
"Come on, gorgeous," he said, smiling his irresistible smile.
Me? Gorgeous? That's a first, and it sounded great hearing it from Ram. This is certainly going to be a happening evening.
I opened my eyes to the mid-noon light shining through the windows. Is it noon already?? Have I truly slept that long?
I closed my eyes and tried to think about last night. It was a complete blur...
We were partying at Velvet Underground, as we did every Friday since the first week of school. Then, Cheryl insisted on treating me to a Flaming Lambrogini for my birthday. I vaguely remember drinking and swallowing a thick, sweet mixture and then, everything else after that came in a montage of flashing disco lights, booming music and shadows. Ram's shadow.
He was attentive, more so than over the past month since I've known him. I could barely feel his arms wrapped around my shoulders, protecting me, showering me with sweet words of reassurance and asking me how I felt.
I felt my cheeks starting to flush as I thought about the way he brushed his finger on my cheek, as he bent to kiss me for the first time. Hesitant at first, tender and passionate later....
Feeling a headache coming on, I opened my eyes and suddenly, everything seemed clearer.
Wait a minute... since when did I have a poster of Jennifer Lopez hanging on the wall in front of the bed?
Just as I turned to look around, a deep voice sounded beside me, "Good morning, babe."
Oh my god! What have I done? Where am I?
I turned to the voice to find Ram lying on the bed beside me.
Sound of keys jingled outside the door as it was unlocked and opened. Ram and I sat up from bed and looked towards the door. I heard Ram curse under his breath as a shadow stepped into the room.
"What the...." the shadow said. With those words, I had the shock of my life as I realised who just came in. Cheryl.
What is going on? Why does Cheryl have keys to Ram's room? What is she doing here?
She launched her attack before I had time to think. "Pat! How could you!"
I was stunned. I never knew that Ram and Cheryl were a couple. How was I to know? And even if I did, I was drunk!
"Cheryl, I..."
"You bitch! How dare you sleep with HIM!? I thought you were a good friend but you turned out to be worst traitor! How dare you sleep with MY boyfriend!"
"What? Ram's your boyfriend?"
"You slutty bitch! Don't you dare pretend you didn't know!"
I truly didn't. But I didn't have time to explain before she hit me across my cheek with a hard, tight slap. It would have been worse if Ram had not leapt out of bed and restrained Cheryl from doing more.
"Get out of here," she screamed. "Get out of my sight! I don't ever want to see you again! You slut! Get OUT!"
I wanted to explain that I was drunk and knew nothing about what happened. But I couldn't. Shamefaced, I put on my clothes and ran out of the room as Cheryl continued to hurl insults at me.
As I ran down the stairs, i could barely control the tears streaming from my eyes. I couldn't understand what was going on, why it happened and how. I couldn't think straight. I felt deeply hurt with Ram's actions and Cheryl's words.
Seeing the door to my own room was a relief so strong that it overwhelmed me. I sobbed breathlessly as I struggled with the lock and opened the door to my refuge. Good thing that Drew had gone home for the weekend.
I slammed the door shut, collapsed onto my bed and cried my heart out.
I wished I were dead.
I couldn't bear the thought of seeing Cheryl and Ram and the rest of the gang in school today. My feet felt like stone as I made my way to the canteen. The weekend had seemed like an eternity of torture.
Drew came back last night to see me staring into space on my bed.
"What happened to you?" she asked. "Didn't hang out with your friends tonight?"
I couldn't bring myself to say anything and managed only a slight shake of my head. Drew looked at me with a strange expression on her face and decided that I was better left alone. She then packed her homework and spent the night with my neighbour, Maggie.
I looked up from my feet to see the usual buzz of people walking around, chatting, laughing with their friends in the canteen. I sneaked a glance at the table where we usually meet to find nobody there. Slightly relieved, I walked towards the lecture theatre.
As I entered through the door, I couldn't help but notice a hush from the noisy class. Then the whispers began. I looked around to see my classmates huddled in small groups of three or four, all looking at me with a strange expression and whispering among themselves. Some of them pointed at me, while others smirked as I walked towards my seat.
They knew. They knew what happened and I'm the culprit. I felt a sense of helplessness and rage that why was I the culprit when I had been a victim myself?? I was date raped for heaven's sake, I thought.
More tears threatened to flow from my swollen eyes and I could feel the pressure of their stares weighing me down at the shoulders.
I needed to get out of here. I needed help! Is there anyone to help me??
Just then, I felt someone sit down beside me. A tissue was thrust into my hands. I accepted it with thanks and tried to dry my tears as a quiet male voice said, "Just ignore them. I know you were the real victim."
I looked up to see the last person I had expected to see on a situation like this. Roy.
It has been three weeks since that fateful day in Ram's room and the rumours have started to fade away. The only thing that hasn't faded is reality... and boy it bites hard.
I still can't bear the poisonous looks Cheryl gives me every time I'm within 5 metres of her presence.... and I don't know what has happened to Ram. He seemed to have disappeared and I didn't dare ask the rest, for they are bound to know what has happened from Cheryl. And I couldn't help asking myself whether I was truly at fault..... Was it my fault? Has anybody stopped to ask about my feelings?
Every time I walk past their table towards the lecture hall, I could just feel the knives that Cheryl is dying to throw into my back... and the sneer on everyone's faces... except Roy.
He's an enigma, in a way. He still has that stone cold expression every time I see him, and I couldn't help but wonder why he had been so kind to me that day.
Gosh, I feel so lonely. Without friends, without anybody to hear my woes. Even Drew, who doesn't seem to pay attention to anything else other than homework, has heard and she's avoiding me like plague, moving out of the room to our next door neighbor. While some people will be glad to have the entire hostel room to themselves, I couldn't find any joy in the situation....
*Riiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng*
Wait a minute. Was that the phone? Is it ringing, for once, for real??
*Riiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng*
Jumping out of my stupor, I picked it up. It was silent on the other end.
"Hello?" I ventured.
"Hi, can I speak to Pat please?" a male voice said.
"Yes, speaking. Who is this?"
"Hi Pat. Roy here. There is something that I need to tell you. Can we meet for coffee?"
Caught by surprise, I couldn't answer. Is he a friend? or foe?
"Hello? Pat? You there??"
"Err.. yes. Sure. I'll meet you." I said.
"ok, see you at Coffee Bean in half hour's time. Bye"
And the line went dead.
For the fifth time, I stopped myself from stirring the cup of cafe mocha. One look at the hardly recognisable brown mix dissuaded me from drinking any more.
I looked up at the person sitting opposite the table.
Roy has resumed his cold expression which I find myself becoming familiar with. His eyes looked into a distant, as if he were looking at another world, another time.
"You had something to tell me?" I ventured.
He blinked, and looked surprised to see me. He sighed a deep sigh and took a long look at me.
"Do you want to hear a story?" he asked, out of the blue.
"Sure, if you feel like telling..." I said.
"Three years ago, there was a girl named Jas. Sweet, gentle and shy. Like you, she didn't have many friends. The only friends she had were a normal, quiet guy and the circle you know as well.... Cheryl, Ram....
"Cheryl is a friendly and sweet girl, a true friend once you get to know her... but I wouldn't say the same for Ram. Then, there came a time when Jas met with problems that she couldn't bear alone and was desperate for a helping hand. Her confidante, the quiet guy, was not around as he had been sent to Brunei for military training in NS. So she turned to her closest friend, Cheryl…"
He paused, seeming to suppress another deep sigh.
"Cheryl provided great company and encouragement to her. And it was that fateful day when Cheryl decided to celebrate her birthday by going clubbing. Jas was persuaded to go along for the sake of Cheryl."
I could see that he was having difficulty continuing as his eyes squinted, as if at some painful thought.
"What happened to you, was exactly happened to Jas, three years ago. The quiet guy had treated Ram as his best buddy for years but by the time he came back, he found that Ram has betrayed him in the worst way possible. As you know by now, Cheryl feels deeply for Ram and turned on Jas the same way she turned on you. Much worse in fact... for she too has thought Jas was her best friend. Ram apologised to the quiet guy but never in his imagination did he realise that the latter has overheard his horrible jokes about the event to his other guy friends. Neither did Ram realise how fragile Jas was, that she felt so ashamed that she couldn’t bear to face her parents. In the end, the pressure was too much for her.....and she eventually committed suicide....."
He swallowed, and managed to say "In her dying note, she said she was sorry to the quiet guy and though she felt for him, she could hardly continue her life thus in shame....."
He blinked and looked away.... and at this moment, I noticed that his eyes were wet.
"That quiet guy was you?" I asked.
He couldn't speak, but barely nodded.
"but how could you still be friends with him?" I was incredulous.
He didn’t answer but for a split second, his eyes shone with such viciousness and anger that it almost turned my blood cold.
“I hope you are stronger than Jas….” He said after a while, trailing off mid-sentence.
Me? Suicide? I don’t really know. The past month had felt like hell but killing myself had never crossed my mind. I shook my head and offered a weak smile: “No, I wasn’t thinking of killing myself.”
Roy sighed in relief. Seeing that Roy has fallen into his deep, sad silence again, I decided it was time to leave….
Minutes after I was back in my room, the door opened. Drew, carrying a huge load of books and notes, seemed to have difficulty seeing where she was going. Rushing to her aid, I took some of the books off the top of the stack and she muttered a quiet “Thank you.”
I smiled for this was the first time Drew has spoken to me in weeks! It’s bad enough that my so-called friends have landed me in dirt but worse if I had to live with someone who considers me Public Enemy #1.
“So, how had you been?” I asked, attempting to make conversation and improve on our acquaintance.
Drew put down her books on her study table, turned and looked at me, uncertainly.
“I’m ok.” She paused, unsure whether to continue the chat. “What about you?”
“Guess I’m still alive…” I said with a sigh. “Sorry if I brought you any trouble.”
“No, none at all…. It’s just that I’ve been hearing some unkind things being said about you in school…”
“It’s alright. I understand. It was partly my fault, I guess, for having a crush on the wrong guy.”
“But they said you slept with him…” She argued, and stopped on realizing that she may have said the wrong thing.
“That, is technically incorrect,” I said, feeling anger welling up inside me again. “I was drunk and he took advantage of me. His girlfriend came into the room the next morning and started scolding me and calling me names, and….”
I don’t know why. Maybe I was desperate for an understanding ear to listen to me. In a torrent, I related the whole incident to Drew, who listened with increasing interest. On one hand, it was good that I’m making headway in getting on better terms with her, but on the other, it saddens me that it takes a crisis like this for us to communicate with each other.
And the past month had been such a horrible time for me that it felt good to be in the company of friends again. I sighed in relief as Drew put her arm around me, offering what comfort a friend can give…
It's been more than a month since Drew and I bonded as friends and exams are drawing too damn near to spare a thought for anything else. All those weeks of skipping class with Cheryl and Ram have now begun to show effects. I couldn't understand a single thing I was reading for next weeks' paper! Taking a deep sip of the piping hot black coffee I made, I sought to clear my head so that I could cramp more nonsensical theories in my feeble brain.
"Pat!" Drew called excitedly, bursting through the room door. "You’ve got to see this!"
"What? What is it?" I asked.
It was a sweet teddy bear stuffed in a mug full of potpourri and hugging a cassette tape. On the cover of the tape were written the titles of all my favorite rock ballads. Stuck on the mug was a beautiful blue card addressed to me. For a moment, I was stunned. What is happening? Who is it from? I thought.
"Isn’t it sweet? Go on, open the card and see who it is from!" Drew insisted
I took the card off the mug and opened it. Inside, written with in a neat script, was a poem:
Dear Pat,
When skies grow dark and heavy storms rage,
And you feel trapped as in a cage,
Feel no fear for help is near,
From a heart whose love for you is clear,
Rest assured that well is all,
I’ll be there to break your fall.
All the best and good luck for the exams!
Roy
“That’s so sweet of him!” Drew exclaimed, with a mischievous, suggestive twinkle in her eye.
I blushed. “I’m sure it’s nothing more than a friendly encouragement. After all, I think he knows I’ve been skipping class with Ram and Cheryl and how much I’ve missed in class…”
“We’ll see.” Drew smiled and looked at me meaningfully.
It was a huge surprise as I recalled our last conversation in which he told me the story about Jas. And though he has been giving me tuition on my subjects, I have never seen any hint that he thought of me as any other than a friend. But in my heart, I admit I was touched by this gesture and a part of me wanted this to be more than just a friendly encouragement….
A month had passed since I got the little gift from Roy and despite his well wishes, things didn’t look very hopeful for me. I barely scrapped through my exam papers as I was too distracted to study most of the time. I felt such relief as I stepped out of the exam hall five minutes ago, after my last paper.
I shook my head, tired of starring at my own reflection in the mirror. I turned on the tap and began splashing water on my face. Just as I was about to leave the toilet, a sob came from the last cubicle. That was strange. I didn't even notice that somebody was in there.
I stopped walking and listened more intently. More sobs rose from behind the cubicle door. I walked closer, with the courage that I wouldn't have given the same situation happening in the middle of the night.
I stopped outside the cubicle and listened. Someone is crying, and quite badly too, from the sounds I heard. I pushed gently on the door and found it locked. Finding no other way, I knocked gently on the door.
"Hello? Are you alright?" I asked.
The sobs came to a sudden halt.
"Who is it?" A distraught voice asked. "What do you want?"
"My name is Pat." I said. "I heard you crying and thought you might need some help."
"I don't need any help, from anyone!" She retorted.
With that, the door swung open and standing there, face streaked with tears, is Cheryl.
"I will never need any help from you, even if you were the last person alive!" She said angrily.
I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to run away in shame and the other part wanted to stand my ground and tell her the truth.
Cheryl took a step towards the sink and suddenly, she was falling to her knees. I could barely reach out in time to grab her arms before she fell. How weak she is! I realised when her limp arms tried to pull away from my grip.
"Please, you are too weak. Let me help you." I pleaded.
Frustrated with her futile efforts to push me away, she relented. I helped her to a seat at the study bench outside the exam hall and as she sat, I noticed that tears were still flowing down her cheeks.
Something drastic must have happened to her, I thought. And I felt sorry for her.
I took out some tissue and handed it to her, which she accepted reluctantly and tried to dry her tears.
Taking a seat on the bench across the table, I asked, "Cheryl, are you alright?"
She shook her head slightly and more tears fell. I waited patiently as she tried to stop her tears. Gradually, her sobbing abated and she turned to look at me. I was bracing myself from another barage of insults and retorts from her but to my surprise, her expression showed that she felt no anger at that point.
"Pat," she said, swallowing, as if she had difficulty continuing the sentence.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to be the b.itch that I was to you."
My jaw dropped when I heard her say these words, I couldn't believe my ears. Before a word could come out from my lips, she started to pour out her sorrows to me.
"Pat....I knew it was really mean of me to tell everyone about what had happened to you. But I was really pissed that day. I thought we could be best of friends and I was very hurt by the thought that you have betrayed me."
When she said these words, tears started to flow down her puffy eyes like a running tap once again. I was aching to tell her the truth but perhaps drowning in my pitiful emotions for her I didn't utter a word. I knew that no matter what I say now, what's done is done. I merely kept quiet with my head bowed.
”It’s alright. It doesn’t matter now…” I assured her. Despite my reassurances, her tears did not stop.
Worried for her, I asked gently: “What happened? Why are you so upset now?”
And it was after much hesitation that Cheryl began her story…
“Ram dumped me…. Can you believe that? After everything that I’ve gone through for him?” Cheryl looked at me with pleading eyes.
I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t really know everything that has happened in their relationship.
“4 years of relationship… and every time he strayed, I wanted to end it all, and he would beg me to take him back. The times I’ve been betrayed by him, the times I’ve put up wit his dallying…and apparently all that was for naught!” with that, Cheryl broke into tears again.
“And now he has dumped me, pointing fingers at me for being unfaithful? How could he say that? How DARE he say that?? When the baby is his!!”
Shock rocked through me. A baby? Ram’s baby? Cheryl is having Ram’s baby? What is she going to do?
I was stunned. I couldn’t speak and what spare comfort and reassurance I could offer Cheryl earlier evaporated in an instant.
Cheryl couldn’t stop crying. Helplessly, she clung onto me and drenched my shoulders in her tears.
“Anything that I can help?” a gentle male voice sounded behind me. Roy!
Taking a quick look at Cheryl and me, Roy sensitively suggested that we should go somewhere more private to talk. With Roy supporting the weak Cheryl, we walked back to the hostel.
As we walked back to my room, I kept thinking about the ordeal that Cheryl is going through. What can she do? How can we help? How will her parents react when they find out? How…?
As my mind reeled in turmoil, I was glad that Roy showed up. Quiet, sensitive and reliable, he’s like the knight in shining armor, appearing wherever there is need….
I sat there waiting uncomfortably, feeling 4 pairs of eyes looking at me. The nurses saw me look up and went back to sorting their patient records. I glanced around and the two expecting women sitting in the clinic hastily found some magazines to occupy their attention.
I glanced around as I waited impatiently for Cheryl…posters of healthy babies plastered the walls. Cheryl has gone into the doctor’s office for a long, long time and I was beginning to be worried about her.
Just then, the door opened and Cheryl walked out, looking pale and miserable. Speechlessly, she took a seat next to me on the waiting bench.
“What happened? What did the gynae say??” I asked.
“Oh Pat… what shall I do? I can’t let my parents know about this but abortion seems like such an awful thing to go through? The doctor showed me a video, about abortion, and you know what? I’m feeling so guilty that I don’t think I can go through it! I’m killing a life if I go for abortion! What shall I do?” Cheryl asked helplessly.
I didn’t know what to say nor how to advise her. I could only look on and wait patiently as she attempts to rationalize her decision.
“But Ram doesn’t want me anymore and even if he does, I don’t think this will work out. I can’t bring a baby to this world where it will suffer even more with ill-prepared parents such as us. And how will the child live with the fact that he was unwanted, born out of wedlock? No! Giving birth to the child and letting it suffer such a life is even crueler than anything else.”
At this point, Cheryl looked at me. “Pat, please, help me. Tell me that it is right to abort the child. I need your support right now.”
I couldn’t answer. I stared at her in disbelief that she wanted me to condone her act. I drew a deep breath and then said: “Look, it’s still early. Barely two weeks old. You don’t have to decide whether to abort it now, do you? Why don’t you take a week to think about it?”
A mixture of relief and disappointment showed on Cheryl’s beautiful face. She nodded silently and waited for the nurses to finalise her documents.
As we walked silently from the gynae’s office, Cheryl was exceedingly silent and deep in thought. Her internal struggle to come to a conclusion was apparent, for she barely noticed it when we reached her hostel. She was still so deep in thought that she didn’t notice someone standing at her door.
Dressed elegantly in a jacket suit with her hair in all the right places, the middle-aged woman looked out of place on the hostel corridor. Her long fingers bent and clenched lightly into a fist as she knocked on Cheryl’s door. Just then, she noticed us walking towards her.
“Cheryl, where have you been?” She said in slightly stern voice, annoyance creasing her elegant features.
Cheryl looked up and in horror she exclaimed. “Mom…!”
Cheryl kept her head low throughout, as her mother kept her stern eyes on her. I tried to be as inconspicuous as I can in the room but every now and then, I could almost sense Cheryl’s urge to seek rescue from me. After quite a while, she seemed to have given up and sighed heavily.
“Cheryl, Cheryl… while I’m glad you’ve put on a bit of weight, making yourself look healthier, I’m worried about you. You haven’t been home for months and you have even stopped calling home these past three weeks. Is everything alright? Are you coping well?”
She sipped her coffee impatiently as she waited for Cheryl’s response.
“I’m fine mom…” Cheryl stammered… and sort of whimpered into silence again.
Taking a long look at her daughter, she slipped into deep thought, stirring her cup of coffee subconsciously.
“Sigh… Cheryl dear. I’m glad so long as you are okay…. I know I have been busy with work and didn’t really spend as much time with you as I would have liked, but ultimately, what I’ve always wanted for you is that you’ll be happy….”
Tears threatened to flow over the brim of Cheryl’s eyes. She bowed her head even lower, not speaking a word. Under the table, I reached over and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. She looked up at me, as if pleading for advice.
“Do what is best. She cares.” I mouthed the words to her as her mom took another sip of the coffee.
Cheryl gave a small shake of her head and looked down at her hands again.
“Well… if everything is fine, then I should get going…” Cheryl’s mom got up to leave.
Seeing no response from Cheryl, I got up to open the door for her. Just then, Cheryl looked up.
“Mom, I’m sorry!” She cried. With that, Cheryl broke into sobs.
Puzzlement crossed her mom’s face. Reeling from shock and uncertain what happened to cause this breakdown, she could only stretch out her arms to hug her daughter as the latter cried uncontrollably.
Seeing that it is best to leave them alone, I quietly left the room…..
A day after Cheryl’s mom visited her in the hostel, Cheryl moved home. And yesterday, Cheryl finally gave me a call, after leaving me in suspense for a whole week.
“Hi Pat,” she said, sounding much happier and at peace now over the phone.
“Hi Cheryl, you sound much better. How are things?” I asked.
“Thanks for sticking by me during that awful time. I told my mom everything, and instead of scolding me, she was very supportive and understanding. It took me by surprise too, but she convinced my dad to be supportive as well.”
“That’s great!” I said, feeling all the happiness for her.
“Yup… and after consulting my parents, we decided that I should still go for the abortion… and my parents have already applied for my transfer of school. After the holidays, I’ll be starting my new term in Melbourne instead.”
“Really? I mean… while I’m happy you’ve got things sorted out with your parents…”
“Yup… I think the transfer will be for the best… But I’ll definitely keep in touch with you! We’ve grown to be such close friends and I will surely miss you while I’m there!” she said.
I smiled at the recollection, in my heart wishing Cheryl all the best as her life takes on a new page with her parents’ loving support.
Squinting at the clock, I stretched myself on the bed. Gosh... it feels so good to be home.
After months of staying in the hostel, I sure missed Mom's cooking and all the comforts of not having to do my own chores. Not to mention the occasional jests and irritation from Kenny, my younger brother.
"So when are you going to wake up, brush your teeth and have lunch?" Mom asked, yelling from the kitchen.
Stretching my arms, I looked around the familiar bedroom that I have woken up in for 20 years.
"Coming, Mom..." I grumbled sleepily. It's noon. How long has it been since I woke up this late?
Dragging myself to the bathroom, I took a quick shower and went to the kitchen. Mom was watching tv in the living room and everyone else was out.
"Morning, Mom." I said.
"Morning?" she said. "It's noon already! Really wonder what you do in school that makes you so sleepy-head."
Thinking back of the past semester, I merely shook my head with a smile.
"Oh, by the way, your friend called."
I looked up from the dinner table, surprised. Why didn't I hear the phone ring? Who could that be? Everyone has gone home to enjoy family time, so who would be calling me early in the morning??
"It's a guy," Mom said, coming to sit beside me at the table. I looked at her and saw her looking at me intently, a smile playing at the corners of her lips.
"Is it your boyfriend?"
I hoped not. It's been months since I've walked away from Ram and I sure hoped he wasn't the one who called.
"What's his name?" I asked.
"Can't remember lah. All you youngsters have such wierd English names that I can hardly pronounce. Think it was Loy or Ray or something...” she said, trying to remember the name.
Roy?? Why did he call? What happened? I wonder… Still in a daze and pondering on the reason for the call, I noticed a spread in front of my eyes calling out to me. It wasn't really a spread with lots of dishes and all but Mom had whipped up my all-time favorite, mashed potatos and beef lasagne. The aroma filled my nostrils and my stomache was growling from the long sleep. I dug in and ate like a monster.
It was a truly satisfying meal. With so much thought and love put into whipping up my lunch, I could see Mom smiling widely, with her gums showing when I said,' Thanks Mom! It was the best lunch I ever had since I left for school.'
Remembering the call from Roy, I gave Mom a big hug and strolled towards the phone.
'Hi, It's Pat here? I was still in dreamland when you called. Did anything happen?' I said with a tinge of doubt and a worried heart.
'Oh! No, all's fine. You called just in time. I will be around your neighbourhood to get some necessities that my Mom needed. So......I was wondering if you wanna meet up for coffee?' Roy replied with a quivering voice.
We agreed to meet up in an hour's time at the Starbucks cafe near my house. I can't understand why I am euphoric and at the same time, tognue-tied after setting up the appointment with Roy. I didn't stop to ponder upon this emotion but went straight up to my room and picked out my favorite sun-dress.
'Mom! I'll be out for coffee with a school friend, will be back soon!' I shouted across the living room.
'Be careful!' a faint sound came from the kitchen and the door was shut behind me. Walking towards the cafe seemed like a breeze today despite a 15min walk under the scorching sun. Soon, I spotted someone who looks like Roy but I wasn't absolutely sure. I continued my light-hearted steps towards the empty table in the veranda. I was glancing around the cafe when I heard a gentle voice.
'Pat?' Roy called and I trailed the sound to familiar stranger. I was dumb-founded. It was Roy in his casual beach wear and he never looked more gorgeous. He had newly found skin just within a few days. His hazel-colored eyes were a perfect match to his bronze and toned body.
'Hi! I couldn't recognise you with this makeover you had.' I walked gracefully towards the table with a racing pulse and sat down with wearing a big smile on my face. As he ordered drinks, I was silently glad that he called.
'It's great to be home isn't it?!' Roy exclaimed with an alluring smile.
I nodded and noticed that he was looking at me with those intense eyes. I could feel my cheeks exploding in flames........
“So… what have you been doing after the exams?” I asked, suddenly shy as I realized he was still looking at me.
“Huh? Oh! I just came back from a camping trip with some secondary school kids. Been helping them in their studies as a mentor and joined them for a week-long camp at St John’s Island last week.” He replied with a smile.
I guess that explains the great suntan. It gave him such a healthy glow that almost made him dashingly handsome.
“How have you been?” he asked. I didn’t know where to start or what to tell him… after all a lot of things did happen over the past few weeks. Bit by bit, I told him about Cheryl’s breakdown, her mom’s visit and her start of a new life overseas.
Roy was exceedingly quiet after everything I said. He sat immersed in his thoughts for a long while, before seeming to break out of it and took a sip of his coffee.
“Enough of this depressing stuff,” he said at last. “It’s still early in the afternoon, and if you’ve got nothing else to do, shall we catch a movie?”
What? An impromptu date? I could almost feel my blood rising to my cheeks, threatening to turn them absolutely pink! Yet I couldn’t resist.
“Sure, why not? What is good that is showing now?” I asked. Roy shrugged his shoulders and for a moment, he looked kind of boyishly mischievous, I thought.
We got out of the café and went to the movie Cineplex to check out the schedules. Just in time for the afternoon screening of Tomb Raider 2, we quickly grabbed the tickets, a drink and some popcorn, and went into the theatre.
The movie was good, and had pretty good action and an interesting plot. But half the time, I was so distracted that I couldn’t remember the story! The feeling of his warmth next to me, the brush of his shoulders against mine as we leaned close to whisper to each other our comments about the show, the scent of his perfume. I could almost feel an irresistible urge to grab his hand, to lean my head on his shoulder.
The lights came on at the end of the show and I found myself speechless… and reluctant to move from my seat. I was reluctant to leave being so close to Roy. The cleaners came in to clear the theatre and we had no choice but to leave.
“You know something…” Roy said as he stood up from his seat. “That was a really enjoyable movie, despite it being my second time watching it.”
“Second time?” I asked in surprise. “Why would you want to watch the show a second time if you have seen it? You should have told me earlier and we’ll watch something else!”
“Well… I saw it with the kids I went camping with… and Drew too, your roommate. She’s one of the mentors as well.” He explained.
Walking beside me as we exited the cinema, he added: “And it’s not a matter of how many times I watched it. It’s a matter of who I’m watching it with.”
With that, he turned and looked at me meaningfully, with a smile at the corners of his lips. My heart fluttered at his words and I could feel the growing warmth within me, spreading from my heart to my limbs. Bracing myself to meet his gaze, I looked up and gave him a shy smile.
Just as we turned around a corner towards the lift lobby, we were greeted by the sight of a person that neither one of us wished to see. There, standing next to the lift, with his hand on the wall enclosing the girl that he was talking to, was Ramazan…
I stopped in my tracks, suddenly unwilling to share the same lift as Ram. Ram turned around and saw Roy and I standing there. I thought I saw a smirk appear at the corner of his mouth as he looked at us.
“Hi there, brother. Out on a date?” Ram asked. I thought he sounded sarcastic. Why in the world would I think he was handsome in the beginning? Why is it that he looked so sinister and ugly now?
Roy didn’t answer but I could sense him tensing up, as though a deep hatred and anger was reaching boiling point within him.
Seeing Roy’s expression, Ram looked at the girl he was with and shrugged his shoulders.
“Come on… don’t look at me like that. It just didn’t work out between me and Cheryl… things happen and life moves on,” Ram said lightly.
In a flash, Roy grabbed Ram’s collar and threw a fist into his cheek. Ram fought back and pushed Roy away from him.
“What the hell…you crazy or something?” Ram yelled, staring at Roy in disbelief.
“You know what you did. You drove Jas to her death and made Cheryl miserable. And you had the cheek…” Roy yelled back.
“I drove Jas to her death? She took her own life!” Ram retorted. “And you know what? She wouldn’t have done it if it were not for your holier-than-thou self-righteousness! Ask yourself! If you had not avoided her phone calls! If you had been more understanding and sensitive to her feelings instead of scolding her for being cheap and avoided her like a plague, would she have been so devastated and desperate to kill herself?”
Spitting out those words in disgust, Ram shook his head and said: “Have you ever thought that I loved Jas truly? Obviously not… because you thought only about your own feelings. And she thought only about you. Don’t you ever dare talk to me about Jas.”
Looking at me, Ram’s expression softened and he said: “Sorry we didn’t work out. Take care of yourself, will you?”
With that, he turned, grabbing the hand of the girl he was with, and left.
I stood there amidst the crowd, dumbfounded. I didn’t notice the people standing around, gossiping about what happened and pointing fingers. In fact, I didn’t care.
I looked at Roy and searched his face. I wanted him to tell me that what Ram said wasn’t true. I wanted him to tell me that Ram was the real jerk and came up with all those lies. But Roy only stood in silence, head down, deeply hurt and angry. After a while, he just turned and walked away.
“Wait!” I called out to Roy, as I ran to catch up with him. “Are you alright?”
He paused in his tracks and looked at me. The struggle of anger, shame and guilt was apparent on his face.
'I'm really sorry to let you see this and I've got to fly. I'll call you again tonight.' He forced a smile at the corner of his lips and left.
My blissful day thus abruptly concluded, leaving me in deeper confusion and internal turmoil on what to think about Ram, Roy and everything else that happened since school began. Why did all these happen to me? Why me? These were questions I couldn’t help asking myself and I was still thinking of them when I reached my front door…
It was already 2am in the morning when I put down my favourite storybook and he hadn't called me yet. I was getting kind of worried when the phone rang. I raced to pick up the call before it awakened my whole family.
'Hi…erm… Sorry for not calling earlier.' Roy said in a husky voice.
'It’s ok. I hope you’re feeling fine now.' I said, trying to sound as understanding as I could, while resisting the temptation to let my curiosity take control.
“No, it’s not ok…” he insisted. “I’m really sorry… about what happened today, about the things you heard…”
I couldn’t keep quiet anymore. I had to know!
“Was it true then?” I asked. “Was Ram telling the truth about Jas?”
There was a long pause. I could almost hear a pin drop a mile away. Roy breathed a heavy sigh, as if unsure what to say next.
“In a way, yes…” he said hesitantly. “When it happened, I couldn’t accept the fact, and I turned my back on Jas when she needed me most. It devastated her and she took her life… and her death dealt me such a blow that I started blaming everything, everyone, including myself. But I didn’t dare let myself remember that… I had been in denial all this while and I know I’ve done wrong. I should have faced up to it long ago…”
I sighed. It was a hard truth to swallow. After seeing how Roy was being understanding and sensitive all this while, it was tough believing that he had caused Jas’ suicide, one way or another.
“Pat…” Roy hesitated before breathing another deep sigh. “Pat… I’m truly sorry for what happened. And I’m really sorry if this will forever become a cause for estrangement in our... erm… friendship…”
“No, don’t think that way,” I said. “It’s not an issue at all. Everyone has got a past, right?”
“No, Pat, you don’t understand…” Roy interrupted me before I could offer any further assurances. “It is an issue, because I…”
“Because of what?” I asked.
“Because I really like you and I had hoped we will be more than friends!” He blurted out in a rush. “I know I’ve made a huge mistake, being in self-denial and all that, but I know that now and I know I can change that. I hope all this has not cast such a huge shadow on my character that you will never speak to me again…”
My continued silence encouraged him to go on, “Pat… please. Will you give me a chance? Can we try out something together?”
Suddenly I felt overwhelm with exhaustion. My thoughts and feelings in turmoil, the rational combating the emotional… Everything that I’ve been through since the beginning of school flashed before me and it suddenly felt as if I’ve lived through more than a lifetime’s worth of relationship problems.
“Pat, are you alright?” Roy asked.
I took a deep breath and tried to relax myself. “Roy, I’m fine… but I’m afraid I can’t answer you right now. Too much has happened and I need to think…”
“Sure, I understand,” Roy said, sounding a little disappointed as he did. “Erm… I think I should go now and let you have your rest.”
“Right, Thanks. Good night and sleep well.” I said and hung up my phone.
Indeed, too much has happened, and it is becoming too much for me to handle. True that I have grown to like Roy a lot over this period of time, but I really needed to calm myself down and think…
Tossing and turning in my bed, I was still running through my warring thoughts and emotions as I drifted off to sleep…
It’s been more than a month since I last spoke to Roy and guess what? School is starting again. Boring lectures, assignments, homework.... but somehow, I'm feeling rather light-hearted today.
Having barely scrapped through my exams the previous semester, I set off for school with the resolution to study hard and do well this semester.
“Hi Pat, how was your holiday?” Drew asked from behind me.
I turned around and grinned at her. “Great… in fact, it’s never been better. What about you?”
“Well…” Drew blushed. Seeing her face turned beet red tickled me so hard that I didn’t realize Roy came up behind us.
“Hi there,” he said, with a polite smile.
“Hi, good to see you again.” I said. For a moment, he seemed embarrassed and at a loss for words.
“Alright, I’ll leave you two together,” I laughed and made my way to class on my own. Glancing back at them, I saw Roy and Drew walking to class together hand-in-hand.
Yup, it was a decision I made after much deliberating and I’m glad I made it. Over the last semester, I’ve been through too much ups and downs in relationships… so much so that I felt as if I was lost and couldn’t find myself. Roy is a nice guy but I couldn’t bring myself to step into another relationship for the time being, much less someone who needs long-term commitment like Roy.
It’s time for me to calm down and find myself. That was what I told Roy, and he had difficulty accepting it too. But sensitive and understanding as he is, he soon saw my point.
Deep within my heart, I’m thoroughly thrilled that Drew and Roy had found each other when they went to be mentors for the second children’s camp that holiday. Perhaps it lessened my guilt at rejecting Roy, or perhaps I just think that they make a better couple than Roy and I would.
Anyway, it’s a fresh semester. And everything needs a fresh beginning.
(THE END)
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