wierd...

This is wierd... I log in to my blog for the first time in a month and I see all the links in Korean.... huh? I don't read korean...

Anyway... been busy with work so much so that haven't been able to log in. My family and my boyfriend has hardly seen me in days... at most two days in a week and then I was gone again. Much less my friends :)

In case you're wondering, I'm still alive... and doing ok. Been to Bangalore and Mumbai recently... and now reporting to you from Seoul, Korea. :)

Long silence...

Wondering why I've been silent for so long? Well... there are just situations or people that one has to deal with that leaves one either speechless... or pour out a torrent of vindictive bitter diatribes. I choose the former of the two.... kekeke

Cringe time!

I wonder if you've ever had the experience of overhearing a song that reminds you of an experience that gives you the cringe... you know that familiar awkward feeling where you feel the hair on your neck standing, your shoulders shiver and you practically go "Eewww"?

Well, I just did this evening. Power 98 was having a go at old songs and Timmy Thomas' "Dying inside to hold you" came over the airwaves. Boy I cringed... for it reminded me of a "bad date" experience that sets me into a cringe every single time I hear that song... "Eewww" big time.

But I'm sure cringe is not the only thing that comes to mind with music. I'm sure there are songs that one listens to and can only remember good stuff, nostalgic times and sets you in a "dream" mode... almost guaranteed to bring a wistful smile to your face....

And that song, for me, is Extreme's "More than words"...

CNY is coming... so??

Thank God all is fine so far... dad has come home and is resting at home. Think he's doing quite fine... just that he's craving for his favorite foods which he can't have now... things like alaskan king crab, seafood etc. Hopefully the doctors will be able to update us on the result of his tests soon.

Other than that, February has arrived in the blink of an eye. CNY is just round the corner... next weekend in fact! But somehow I don't feel the mood for CNY this year... Perhaps it's because I've been so busy running around with things happening at work, at home etc. I hardly met any of you gal friends for the past month!

Anyways... another reason is also because I'm expected to travel for work this coming weekend and will only be back in Singapore in time for reunion dinner... what a bummer.

Smooth Operation...

Thanks for all the well-wishes and encouragement. My dad's operation went smoothly last week and at the moment, the doctors are still performing tests on the cells. In any case, he seems to be ok and the doctors are optimistic. Still staying in hospital for observation though, for a couple days more... think they will release him once he is able to take food by mouth. Now he's still relying on a drip as he threw up on Tuesday after taking some gruel...the doctors say his intestinal passage is clogged and needs to be cleared before they try mouth feeds again.

In the meantime, he has to wear a stoma pack for bodily discharges and the doctors say it could be for a period of 2 to 4 months before it's removed. Spiritually it can be quite depressing and he does get lonely on occasions while lying in bed in hospital. Fortunately, friends and relatives have been kind and the frequent visits lifted his spirits somewhat...

Now I just hope that all goes well and he recovers soon....

Lost...

Nope... I'm not talking about that popular TV series.... I'm talking about the initial feeling one gets upon hearing extremely bad news... Just heard from my brother that my dad was diagnosed with rectum cancer. He's scheduled for operation next week and to date, the doctors have not been able to confirm whether it's stage 2 or 3... or whether he would need to go through chemotherapy.

Though I've known all along that my parents are getting old, the prospect of possibly losing them is extremely upsetting and rendering me in a state of feeling very lost...

Merry Christmas!!!!

It's that time of the year again... when we remember and celebrate the birth of Christ... a gift that God gave to Man. And in a similar spirit of giving and showing of our love and concern for our families, friends and loved ones... it's the mad season of shopping for the right present to give!!!

Hahaha... pardon me for starting off in such a serious tone. But really, the malls are packed, the roads leading to Orchard are jammed... for one reason only. Everyone's shopping for last minute presents to give to friends, colleagues and family members.

Over the years, I've noticed that there are some presents that I'd rather not receive:

• Decorative items - I appreciate the thought of giving... thank you very much. But I would much rather have something practical that I can use. I simply don't know what am I supposed to do with them! My cubicle at work is already cramped with ornaments that colleagues have given to me in the past and sad to say, all they do is sit there and collect dust.
  
  
• Soft toys - thank you once again for the thought... but I've gone beyond the age of being thrilled at receiving a soft toy. Until one fine day when I have my own children, perhaps.
  
  
• Diaries - at the moment, I already have two superior quality leather organisers / diaries on my table and they're going to sit there unused for the whole year unless I pass it on to someone else. Blank notebooks (like the A-Zone type) would be preferred as I like to scribble notes... but my Outlook Express' calendar and mobile phone is more than enough to help me keep track of appointments and dates.
  
  
• Body Shop products / other moisturisers & bath products - well... they can come in useful... only sometimes and rarely. Mainly because I already have certain brands in mind for the products that I would use. As for aroma products... sorry my sinus has been getting from bad to worse with age, so I would rather not try something that may trigger an allergic reaction.

Look, I'm not complaining. Just that I believe in thinking for the person when shopping for a gift. As a receipient, I would rather have something that I can put to use and I would WANT to put into use. Likewise, when I shop for gifts meant for others, I would rather choose something that he/she can use and preferably something that he/she would like. I admit that sometimes the choice is tough... especially when you've known the person for years and you've simply run out of ideas. So I hereby solemnly and sincerely apologise if I've given you something from the list of stuff above... or even for gifts that you have not found a use for... kekekeke

A Hard-Earned Praise Lifts the Day!

Everyone likes to hear praises about how good they look, how well they've done etc. And a good word here and there sure helps to erase any bad vibes that you may be feeling for that day. That being said, sometimes we do wonder about the truth behind those praises - is he saying this because he is just being diplomatic / a friend? Or does she have a catch up her sleeve?

But when a good word or compliments come from the most unlikely source... then maybe there's some truth in that. And it would mean one really looks good or have done a really good job. That's something to be accepted graciously and appreciated.

Reason for this rambling on praising people? Well, I received one such compliment from a most unusual source... someone that I know that has a habit of making snide, sarcastic remarks and finding faults. But at the moment when he said it, one could feel that he truly meant it this time, for whatever it was I did, it helped him gain favor in the right places. And it was no small task that I accomplished too, for there were lots of follow-ups and complications. Knowing what went behind the scenes to make that happen, and hearing this compliment from this unlikely source, definitely gave me an uplifting feeling that I have done something right and well. :)

It takes two hands to clap...

Often, when situations arise at work, it is the result of the interaction between 2 people. Like that cliched old saying, it takes two hands to clap. Person A may feel that the boss is being unreasonable but all that the boss ever wanted was the fulfillment of his higher expectations. And sometimes, such expectations are justified for in the current world of modern technology, Person A cannot function effectively to assist the boss if he/she does not even have the basic skills required.

Failure to meet his expectations will naturally result in the boss' disappointment in Person A and hopes that he/she will improve. But if Person A carries a negative attitude towards the boss and takes such feedback negatively, rather than as constructive criticism, it makes for an awkward working relationship. And when he/she starts spreading negative feelings around, it just generates lots of bad air in the working environment.

It is human nature to desire to hear good things about our performance... but if we are prepared to hear the good, we should be prepared to hear the bad and improve on it. Nobody's perfect... but it becomes an attitude problem when one defies for the sake of defying simply because he / she has heard some negative feedback about his / her performance...

sigh....

Please (take) leave...

There seems to be an over abundance of leave on my account.... I've checked up my records recently and realised that I've been taking leave so rarely that I have not touched my entire year's allotment of leave for this year. Total number of left over leave I'm entitled to shows 26 days... amazing. heh....

Trying to clear all before end Dec is out of the question, but I've been asked to take leave and clear as much as I can... sounds like a blessing to some out there I know. Heh....so been looking into the calendar and trying to find dates when I can take leave and do my own thing... heh...

Suddenly, having too much leave entitlement is not that great a thing... heh *siam... before some people decide to hammer me on the head for that*

Desperation...

Have you ever had this experience at work? Where you have a crashing deadline to meet and everything seem to be spiralling out of control, threatening to delay your delivery or threatening to fail? And the worst part of it is the fact that you have no control over these elements as you are dependent on a third party to revert to you on the information?

Desperation = stress = crazy black kittyn.

In need of rest...

Have you ever had the feeling that you just want to disappear and fade away? No... not in the suicidal or morbid sense. But just that you are so thoroughly exhausted in your mind and physically that you wish for once, you can just go away for a period of time, without a care in the world?

Life has its many demands and as one spends years working to make ends meet, the burden on our shoulders get heavier and heavier. The family needs your attention, your work requires it, sometimes even your personal life with friends and partners. And Man's resources are so limited. There's no way we can shoulder on all the cares the world lays on us without feeling depletion and exhaustion at some point.

And that is me at the moment. I'm feeling thoroughtly drained... physically and mentally. If I were a sponge, I would be one that is so dried up that I'm hard as a rock yet brittle at the single shake. After working for 8 years, with the exception of short weekend breaks to nearby countries, I haven't really rested. I think I've reached my breaking point... to an extent. A longer break of a couple of months seem like a luxury... but at this point, more like a neccessity to me. Not just some holiday somewhere with a partner. I'm actually looking forward to being a total hermit for that period, if I can. Basically, I need some time to rest... and to be entirely on my own so I can find myself again.

How I wish this was true... haha

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

I'm Sorry

Dark irises peeped
Through wrinkled lids
That inched open sluggishly.

Grieving tears surged,
pouring over the aged rims
to stream down sallow cheeks.

His calloused hand,
Weathered,
Through decades of giving
And loving,
grasped feebly for mine.

His hoarse whisper
Uttered,
Wrecking his ruined lungs
With each quaking breath:

“I’m sorry
That I can’t see
You graduate.”

The dam shattered,
Composure vanquished
By sorrowful regret,
Flooding, drowning
In youthful memory
Of a promise
Unfulfilled, thwarted
In death.

“I’m sorry
That I can’t
Bring you home.”


My late grandfather's lifelong wish was for a chance to go back to his hometown in China. When I was ten, I learned of his wish and made a promise that I would study hard, graduate and earn enough money to bring him home to visit. That promise went unfulfilled when he succumbed to lung cancer and passed away when I was still in uni....

Can I go back in time??

Grammar has reclaimed its glory in the school syllabus.... and that's great news. Even though I was lucky enough to get a somewhat basic education on the English language and grammatical rules, I have never quite understood some parts of it. Sometimes, it feels such a waste not being able to fully exercise the intricacies of the language when I'm writing.

I remember the ironic situation in secondary school when despite scoring top marks in school for my prelims in English, I signed up for a course on English at the RELC and was severely humbled by the teacher. I learned my lesson then and became more conscious of what I write... trying to improve my skills all the time. And these days, when I see the sort of abuse the language has been subjected to with the insurgence of sms language, it sets me in an irritable mood. Same thing happens when I come across bad usage, or rather, inability to use the Chinese language.

And the sad thing these days is that children hardly have any interest in reading. What happened to everyone's favourite hobby of reading? I thank my brother for bringing back my first storybook from the library when I was in primary one and that sparked my passion for books. I went through that phase of devouring Enid Blytons, Nancy Drews, Sweet Dreams and graduated to David Eddings, Raymond E Feist and Isaac Asimov by the time I was in Primary Six. That helped me to develop what I can do with my languages today, as I vaguely remember my primary school teacher's remarks in my report book... "need to improve her English." Today, I dread the thought of shifting homes as I look at my bookshelf.... five shelves, each are laid with three rows of books from inside to the brim of the shelf and two rows of books tall. And that's not counting the box of books the movers lost when I last shifted...

Still, there doesn't seem to be enough ammunition in my language prowess. Can I go back in time and learn it all over again...??

It's quite true... Sometimes I can be honest to the point of being tactless and I know that.... Luckily I've got pretty understanding friends... kekeke

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You value honesty highly. You're unflinchingly honest, even when it's not easy. For you, integrity is very important - in yourself and others. People may not always like what you say, but they know they can trust it. Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

The Five Factor Values Test

Immigrant Food....

Once I attended a course where the trainer asked what we had for dinner the previous night. After hearing the replies from the course attendees, she went on to ask why we are jamming our body's digestive system, especially with complex foods such as curry fish head, bak kut teh etc. Her main point of contention is not that the food are harmful to our bodies, but more she couldn't understand why modern Singaporeans who are enjoying relatively good incomes and comfortable lifestyles are still eating immigrant food...?

Basically food such as bak kut teh and curry fish head etc are unique to Singapore and Malaysia. The reason is that early immigrants to Southeast Asia are mostly poor dock workers who don't have money to buy fresh ingredients for a good meal. There's no such thing as a steak or a whole chicken for a good meal, unless a whole group of workers sacrifice their salaries for a whole month to buy and share one chicken. Ingredients such as pork bones and fish heads are cheap as the wealthy would prefer fleshier cuts. With these basic ingredients, workers salvage what spices and vegetables they can from the docks and mix it all up in a pot. That's where bak kut teh, curry fish head and kway chap comes from.

So the trainer is asking why are we now eating poor man's food when we can afford better. But she fails to understand that these are food unique to Singapore. No, I've not been paid by Singapore Tourism Board to market their Uniquely Singapore concept, but born and bred here, I feel a sense of connection with such food. It is iconic of the lifestyle my grandparents had in early Singapore / Malaysia and many others like them. And while Singapore is complaining about the lack of creativity, to think out of the box... but hey, aren't these exact examples of how early Singaporeans can be inventive and creative in developing new recipes, new ways to enjoy food? What's more, these dishes are getting well appreciated by the foreign community. I remember reading somewhere that a Singaporean businessman made his success in Shanghai selling just one of these... bak kut teh. And there are plenty of foreign tourists who came to Singapore and loved the unique taste of curry fish head and chilli crab.

So why shouldn't we eat these food and enjoy them? Especially if we can now afford fresh ingredients and good cooks to provide quality to such dishes? Enjoy away I would say, and feel proud that there is something... ok unique... about Singapore.

Ramblings of a style-less slob

Ooh... I love those clothes, shoes, accessories, bags... everything that Anne Hathaway was wearing in The Devil Wears Prada... and of course not to mention, that seemingly limitless supply of branded stuff available in The Closet. The show was most definitely a girls-night-out show... terribly fun for girlfriends to watch together and go ga-ga over the fantastic labels.

Meryl Streep was BRILLIANT!!!! She is undoubtedly the greatest actress alive. With minimalist subtlety, she has made the character Miranda Priestly entirely her own. Now I simply can't imagine another version of Miranda Priestly... and credit must go to Meryl Streep for making the movie so much more 3-dimensional and believable than the book. (After reading the book, I just felt sick and tired of a bitch whining and complaining non-stop about a 2-D caricature of a superbitch.)

One downside about watching the show though.... After coming out from the movie theatre, one look at my reflection in the ladies' washroom mirror made me feel I'm an entirely style-less, ugly slob!!! Good grieve... what am I wearing? It's so plain, so dull... and everything in my reflection tells me that I look like Andrea when she first reported for work at Runway! Horrors!!!

Heh... the feeling was temporary as I am still "recovering" from the "high" experienced watching that movie...as piggy has said. But at the same time, it made me so much more conscious of what I'm wearing and things like accessorizing my outfit. Was walking around in Tiong Bahru with piggy and panda yesterday and we just can't help noticing the different necklaces, bags and shoes on display at the shops. How I wish I can have access to the Closet where I can just pick out what I want.... *dreamy*

What the F*** was that for??!!

The breakup of a relationship is always distressing and an emotional torture for the one that is rejected. Especially when the breakup happens in a long-term relationship of more than ten years, the amount of emotional upset and torture one feels can almost make suicide seem tempting. Yet our lives are not given to us by God to take away... it's given to us to love... love ourselves and love others.

That said, feeling tempted to slash one's wrist after the breakup of a long-term relationship... that I can understand for the emotional turmoil is tremendous. But feeling tempted to kill yourself for a relationship of 3 months?? And for someone whom you know have had a history of changing heart???? HALLO!!! What the F*** was that for???!!!

Chilli please...??

One of Singapore's favourite past-time is eating. But the strange thing is Singaporeans also like to spoil the taste of their food with chilli. Must one add chilli to every dish that one eats? Then what happens to the original taste of the food? Ever wondered how a burger actually tastes without chilli? Or even more bizarre, a steak? I've encountered a couple of occasions where my friends actually asked for chilli sauce for a black pepper steak, and I wonder... after adding the chilli, can you still taste the freshness and sweetness of the steak? Can you taste the tender sinews and the natural juices of fresh beef??

My suggestion: Don't kill your taste buds... Even if you can't live without chilli for your meals, at least try the food in its original taste first before adding the chilli? At the very least, you can taste what the dish is like... and it won't be like you're eating chilli dipped in whatever dish you've ordered for your meals....